Nerd Watch Wednesday: Wrestlemania X

Jan 22, 202022 min read

Updated: Jun 3, 2020

Everyone's favourite anti-fun police member Shafi was in charge of the selection this week and we were all expecting him to do us the dirty, but he came up trumps and picked the MSG classic that is Wrestlemania 10.

Featuring possibly the greatest opening match in Mania history, bizarre celebrity guests and intergender wrestling... let's go back to 1994 and relive the greatness!

OWEN HART v BRET HART

By JCH

Simple video package, simple storyline. Owen wants to prove he’s as good as Bret. The Hitman doesn’t want to fight his brother. Is it out of love for his parents, or is he scared Owen might be able to prove that he’s better?

Owen wearing the shades, I’m guessing that’s to irritate Bret, he never had them when I saw him a bit later on. Yep, he’s just torn them in half. MSG goes absolutely berserk when Bret’s music hits. He’s all business.

I believe this match is happening as there are two No.1 contenders and Luger is getting his shot first, so Bret has to wrestle as well to make it fair on whomever wins Luger vs Yoko? Or is that a different Mania? Vince and King haven’t mentioned that yet. Got some exchanges of holds to start, Owen wildly celebrates every time he gets out of one. It’s excellent heel work.

The story of the match is Owen is trying to outwrestle Bret, who is just a bit better than him and wins most of the technical wrestling encounters, however Owen is willing to bend the rules a bit more with hair pulls, harder strikes and irritating slaps trying to goad Bret into a different kind of encounter. Maybe he’s noticed that he can’t beat Bret in a technical one?

Owen hits a lovely spinning back kick to get the advantage and does the Bret Hart signature taunt to rile up the crowd. Owen with stamps to Bret and then continues to bend the rules as he utilises the ringpost as a weapon. Owen hits an ace Belly to belly as Bret comes off the ropes. This is really good stuff, finished with fantastic bridging suplex from Owen gets a long 2.

Owen hits a piledriver but misses the top rope flying headbutt. Bret on offence now and this time he’s got a but more aggression in his attack as he realises his brother is willing to go to any length to win, forcing Bret to abandon his complete technical approach.

- Sidenote - Hebner is a berk.

Back to the match. Owen goes for the sharpshooter and Bret now uses the closed fist to break it up, before going for one of his own that Owen fights out of. Bret pulling it all out now, hitting a crossbody over the top rope, but injures his knee in the process and Owen is straight on it.

The evolution of Bret’s offence in this match has been great. Technical, more aggression and power, adding in the closed fists as it goes longer, before breaking out the dives as he can’t put Owen away. Since the injury, Owen is just working the knee, even wrapping it around the ring post. He wants to win by any means necessary and right now he knows where Bret’s weakness is.

Figure Four from Owen leads to a huge ‘Lets Go Bret; chant. Bret rolls to the ropes and Owen is back to working the knee. Even more aggression from Bret now. He whips Owen into the corner and Owen sells it fantastically falling straight back. Piledriver from Bret now, but every time he’s slow to cover because of the injured knee.

Superplex from Bret for a very near fall. Bret with a sleeper, Owen with a low blow - that Hebner is looking right at but does nothing about. Useless Hebner. Into the sharpshooter and Bret taps…no? Apparently he just angrily beat the mat.

Owen has Bret on his shoulders, Bret goes for a victory roll but Owen sits down on him and Hebner counts 3 as Bret kicked out right after the third count.

Owen wins! Great match. Hebner was shite.

WINNER - OWEN HART BY VICTORY ROLL

BAM BAM BIGELOW & LUNA VACHON v DINK & DOINK

By Ross Casey

OK let's get the elephant out of the room. This review will not be as good as Rob's effort of the Dink match from Survivor Series 1994. I will however, do my best.

Howard Finkel is sporting a toupee for this event and to be honest, it suited him. Good on ya, Fink! First out are Bam Bam and Luna and they are awesome looking heels. Menacing, imposing and mean. Great theme song too.

Doink and Dink arrive to jovial circus music as the the clowns receive a decent pop from the crowd. Bam Bam stops the fun like he's Shafi at The Ballroom and attacks before the bell. Doink ends up actually wearing his jacket for a good few minutes in the opening of the match, absorbing power moves before moving out the way of Bam Bam's running senton.

Dink tags in which means that Luna must also - the camera man makes sure that he gets right up her ass before she does though. Ah, the Nineties. To be fair, it plays into the match as Dink gives her the runaround, avoiding her jump attacks and slapping her on the arse.

Luna is snug with Doink, but you can tell she is also taking great care of him in the ring. Lawler remarks that she is making SHORT work of him.

Usually these comedy matches involving Dink got tremendous belly laughs, but here at MSG, the crowd appears to be much wore wrasslin' inspired and you can hear crickets. It's a bit of a shame, as the work is fun, but after the Owen v Bret classic maybe this was misplaced and should have gone a bit later?

Luna misses a top rope splash at such height she may well have cracked a rib on the landing - the crowd did react for that spot - and that brings in Doink and Bam Bam. Doink gets squashed with a sunset flip counter before recovering and hitting an awesome DDT.

The match is picking up in match quality and the two show real chemistry before a Dink bump on the apron and then things go awry. An awkward suplex is kicked out of, possibly by accident, then a ballsed up standing headbutt and a poorly executed top rope headbutt end things as the heels win in very flat fashion.

Even the post-match angle is a mess. It was supposed to end with the heels missing a splash on Dink and the losing faces getting a bit of rub back by at least standing tall, but Dink rolled into Luna so he took the full impact of her splash.

What followed was an awkward salvation attempt to do something on the fly but they kind of all just stopped working and left the building quietly to a puzzled reaction from the MSG crowd.

I love wrestling and can find the fun in most things, but this started off OK and completely derailed into genuinely bad territory. What a shame. Seek out Survivor Series 94 instead for your Dink fix!

WINNERS - BAM BAM BIGELOW & LUNA VACHON BY TOP ROPE HEADBUTT

FALLS COUNTY ANYWHERE 60 SECOND FALL MATCH: RANDY SAVAGE v CRUSH

By RJF

So here we are, falls count anywhere, Macho Man Randy Savage out first, shaking hands with Vince on commentary on his way to the ring. Crowd are going nuts for him! Now here comes Crush accompanied by Mr Fuji, pretty sure Crush has the same music as the Revival. Hard to tell though because Savage wastes no time and takes the fight to Crush before he barely made 3 steps of his entrance.

Crush takes advantage with a couple of back breakers as Mr Fuji is just walking around with a giant Japanese flag. Crush slams Savage into the barricade and he is out. Crush enters the ring, starting the count down of 60 seconds for Savage to make it back to the ring.

Savage slowly makes his way to his feet and is about to get in the ring but Fuji takes him out with his big flag. The count down from 10... Savage just makes it in with 2 seconds remaining.

Crush now continues the beat down in the ring. Fuji hands Crush some salt while the refs back is turned, but Savage blocks and the salt ends up in Crush’s eyes. This gives Savage some time for offence.

Savage pushes Crush to the outside to make the pin. Not really sure why he didn’t just pin him in the ring... who know what the rules of this one are? Savage wins the fall, Crush now has 60 seconds to get back in the ring. What in the blue hell is going on?

Fuji is just slapping Crush who is out on the floor, you’d think he’d help a little more than that. The countdown from 1 begins, much like Savage, he breaks the count at 2.

Crush finds energy from somewhere to toss Savage over the top rope to the floor. Now Crush has the upper hand and is beating down Savage on the outside before Savage blocks and posts Crush. Now they spill into the crowd.

Savage has the upper hand as they head to the concourse and backstage. 1, 2, 3 another win of the fall. Crush has 60 seconds to get back in the ring. Savage has had enough, he ties up Crush and has him hanging upside down. Just 30 seconds left on the clock. Crush isn’t getting back from this one. 15 seconds remain. The count down from 10 begins....

There it is, Randy Savage is victorious! The crowd goes nuts. I have no idea of the rule. Very little offence, or any real fighting in this one. Don’t have much more to say about it.

WINNER - RANDY SAVAGE BY CONFUSING MATCH RULES

WWF WOMEN'S WORLD TITLE MATCH: ALUNDRA BLAYZE (C) v LEILANI KAI

By Matt Connolly

So this week I get to dive into Mania 10 and the Women's title bout between Alundra Blayze and Leilani Kai. I was super impressed with Blayze when I saw another of her bouts from this era against Bull Nakano so I'm looking forward to this one.

One thing I should add is that I don't currently have the WWE network so have to look around the web for my picks but luckily WWE have uploaded this one to their Youtube channel. It's a 5.35 video so not expecting much here. Especially with entrances and post match. Saying that, video opens with Finkel announcing the match and Kai already in the ring. She has pretty crappy purple kimono on and assumes all the intensity of someone waiting for a bus.

Lights down now though because the money entrance is ready. By that I mean it's the classic short walk at the Garden and Blayze is dressed in a jacket with massive shoulder pads. Upon entering the ring she gets massive sparklers that evoke images of Goldberg inhaling smoke. No such shenanigans from Blayze though. It's completely obvious she is gonna squash the other broad here.

As bell sounds we get a homage to Martin Scorsese's "Copacabana Shot" as the camera zooms from deep within the crowd through a bunch of chairs before landing in the ring. It's kind of cool. The name plate comes up with "Alundra Blayze Women's Champion" but I'm informed by WSBF supremo Ross Casey that it actually read "Owen Hart" during the broadcast. What a pointless edit WWE have made there. Just don't make the new nameplate.

The first move is missed because the camera is focused too high on Blayze and whatever move she hits is just out of shot. Probably a leg sweep. Finally get to see what Kai is wrestling in. Its just a black leotard with black tights and orange/brown boots. She couldn't look more unimportant if she tried.

The action is good. Kai is vicious and rag dolls Blayze and when the opportunity presents itself Blayze tries a number of roll ups on Kai. It's not getting me exited but it's tidy and telling a story, if not a bit rushed. Blayze inevitably takes control and the last minute of what can only be a three minute encounter is just Blayze getting her shit in.

Really nice bridge German for the win. This match is better than it has to be and considering the era I expected worse. Maybe I'm just in a good mood. You'll certainly see better but all circumstances considered - this is decent.

WINNER - STILL WWF WOMEN'S CHAMPION, OWEN HART BY REALLY NICE GERMAN

WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: THE QUEBECERS v MEN ON A MISSION

By Matt Brummitt

I think Shafi has cocked up with his match selection because he said we’re doing WrestleMania X which was nearly 26 years ago & yet I’m reviewing the current ROH world champion being managed by the probable leader of AEW’s Dark Order.

Apart from getting to watch my forever love, Raven (albeit on the sidelines), I’m looking forward to this match as I can’t remember watching Men on a Mission. 1993-97 was my WWF hiatus so apart from the knowledge of Mabel’s KotR win and his post-return visceral Viscera run, I have no idea about MoaM.

Unfortunately, I don’t get to see their entrance as the broadcast airs a skit with HBK & Burt Reynolds instead. Burt is wearing a jacket with FSU emblazoned it, proving Dennis & Mandrews peaked in 94.

My first impressions of MoaM are that Mabel looks an absolute unit & Mo doesn’t. I’m a fan of their purple & gold kit. I’m an even bigger fan of the “WHOOMP THERE IT IS” slogan which adorns their gear. I think it’s just what Ringkampf are missing.

The Quebecers jump MoaM at the bell because Canadians are evil, especially the ones that speak French. The Quebecers onslaught is cut off by a double clothesline from Mabel. Mo tags in and hits PCO with a running body press into a pin. That looked really smooth actually! 2 count.

Mabel is tagged back in & MoaM hit a drop toehold/ leg drop combo. Johnny Polo, despite managing the other team, will be satisfied with that drop toehold technique. Mo tags back in but as the ref is ushering Mabel out of the ring, famed enemy of Kevin Steen/Owens, Jacques Rougeau sneaks in and attacks Mo.

Ref is distracted again and PCO strangles Mo with the tag rope. Jacques back body drops his own partner onto Mo and PCO gets a 2 count. The Quebecers recreate the same spot but this time from the ring on to Mo on the outside! Back in the ring, this gets a 2 count as does their following double team, a double snake eyes to the top rope.

“Let’s Go Mo!” chants from the crowd. I’m with you New York! PCO whips Mo and on the rebound, Mo hits a variation of Tyler Bate’s rolling wheel kick! What the fuck was that?! I think he connected with his arse. Mo is my new favourite wrestler.

It looks like we’re getting a hot tag but Jacques cuts it off at the last second. PCO goes for a top rope leg drop but misses & Mo finally gets the tag to Mabel. Mabel’s initial offence is a touch bland but then he hits a nice move which looks like a cross between an STO and a Boss Man Slam.

As the ref is distracted (again), PCO sneaks in an eye poke. They then manage to hit the gargantuan Mabel with a double suplex! The camera cuts to Polo who is excitedly shouting “YES! YES! YES!”. American Dragon owes everything to Raven.

PCO gets to the top rope and Jacques holds his hands and flips him into a senton on to Mabel. Mabel kicks out at 2! Mabel gets up but PCO jumps on his back. Jacques goes for a clothesline but Mabel ducks & Jacques hits PCO instead.

Mabel throws Jacques into the ropes and hits a spinning wheel kick! What the fuck?!!! The crowd chant “Whoomp, there it is”. Mo is tagged in and goes to the top rope and falls onto Mabel’s back who then squashes Jacques. Is that their finisher or a botch? Polo distracts the ref so no pinfall.

PCO tries to interfere but Mo clotheslines him to the outside. Mo then jumps to the outside onto Mabel’s back again but this time it’s PCO who gets squashed under his behemoth weight. It looks like that is their finisher! That’s mad but fun. Raven then pulls Jacques out of the ring and the match finishes by count out. Boo.

Summary: That finish was a bit flat but I enjoyed that match a lot more than I expected. Mo is my new favourite wrestler and I hope we get him vs ZSJ at next year’s Wrestle Kingdom. Actually, I’ll just take this rivalry continuing & us getting PCO vs Mo for the ROH title. Book it Marty!!

WINNERS – MEN ON A MISSION BY COUNTOUT (BOO)

WWF WORLD TITLE MATCH: YOKOZUNA (C) v LEX LUGER

By Nineties Mike

This feud began at the Yokozuna Bodyslam Challenge in June on the deck of the USS Intrepid(!). Mr. Fuji, Yoko's manager, had challenged the US superstars to attempt to bodyslam Yokozuna. Several failed until Luger arrived by helicopter and managed to successfully bodyslam the big guy. Luger then faced Yokozuna for the WWF Championship at SummerSlam 1993.

He won the match by countout but not the title. According to the WWF, the stipulations did not allow Luger a rematch. Later, while piling through opponent after opponent, Luger argued his case for entry into the 1994 Royal Rumble, as he wanted the title shot that would be given to the last man standing. The Great Kabuki and Genichiro Tenryu were also entered, at Mr. Fuji's behest, to attempt to stop Luger winning the title shot. Kabuki and Tenryu were unsuccessful.

However, the final two wrestlers, Lex Luger and Bret Hart, simultaneously eliminated each other. After a disagreement between referees, WWF President Jack Tunney declared Luger and Hart co-winners, announcing that both would get a WWF Championship match at WrestleMania X.

They pulled out all the stops for this one, with Mr. Perfect revealed as guest referee, Donnie Wahlberg as guest ring announcer and Rhonda Shear (?) as guest timekeeper. Perfect gets a big cheer. Here comes Yokozuna along with Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji, announced at a weight of 568 pounds (sure!). Luger time now, and he’s rocking the USA tights and the pyro!

Luger starts us off with a clothesline, but Yoko hits him with a clothesline of his own and Lex goes down hard. Lex manages to recover somewhat and knocks Yoko out of the ring. He rams Yoko’s head into the steel steps twice and they head back into the ring. Luger with a crossbody off the top that only gets a two-count. Lex tries to bodyslam Yoko, he falls on top of him. Yoko removes a turnbuckle pad puts on a trapezius hold and holds Luger for over two minutes.

Luger fights out, but a big knee from Yoko puts him down again. Another two minutes in the trapezius hold. Yes, another two minutes. Yoko throws Luger out of the ring and into the guard rail. We get a third trapezius hold. We get the point, Yoko’s working double-duty tonight! Luger is up with some punches, but Yoko goes back to the hold yet again. Yawn.

Lex fights out, runs the ropes but Yoko kills him with a belly to belly suplex. As he tries to cave Luger's head in on the exposed turnbuckle, Lex blocks and hits Yoko's head into the exposed steel buckle. Luger hits a clothesline followed by another one. This time Luger manages a body slam, and the crowd goes ape-shit. Flying forearm to the head (remember there’s metal in his arm so it’s deadly!).

Cornette and Fuji up on the apron now, but Luger pulls them into the ring and batters them. Perfect tries ejecting Cornette and Fuji while Lex covers, but Perfect doesn’t see and doesn’t count. Luger gives up and shoves Perfect. Uh-oh.

Perfect calls for the bell, disqualifying Lex Luger! Oh my, the crowd do not like this. At all. I didn’t either to be fair. Half-arsed efforts all-round, too many dreadful rest holds and Yoko struggling already despite having to fight again later!

WINNER - AND STILL WWF WORLD CHAMPION, YOKOZUNA BY BULLSHIT DQ

ADAM BOMB v EARTHQUAKE

By Shafi

To the uninitiated Earthquake vs Adam Bomb sounds like a bad B movie title. Whilst it has been proven that nuclear weapons can defeat a Sharknado can they stop one of the Natural Disasters?

For all the 5 star matches happening around the world on an ever more regular basis the truth is that wrestling is about stories. It has always been about stories. Hogan didn't get over because he was capable of producing bangers in Japan, (although his Japanese matches are certainly worth watching if you think he couldn't work), he got over because people believed in his plight.

This match began a character arc that was more Shakespearean tragedy than American propaganda but John Tenta would play a pivotal role much like he did in Hogan's story.

Now I know what you are thinking... This card has both a wrestler pretending to be Japanese (Yoko) and a wrestler named after the atomic bomb, subtlety and sensitivity are hardly the order of the day. Yet I argue that if you look harder this was the prologue for a tale full of nuance and angst, the rise and fall of an underdog. I present to you "Wrath: An Origin Story" or "How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb".

Harvey Wippleman is in the ring having been shoved to the floor by Howard Finkel when Adam runs to the ring to defend his manager's honour. Adam is wearing bright yellow contact lenses because nothing says 'nuclear heat' quite like radiation poisoning. Earthquake is out next and attacks our protagonist from behind (what a coward) which starts an impromptu match.

Quake hits a huge belly to belly suplex followed by a powerslam that disarms the Bomb. Quake then starts jumping up and down which causes Adam's lifeless body to bounce up and down on the canvas. Now as a kid I didn't really care about Tenta but when he would do this I LOVED it!

It was the precursor to everyone having a signature taunt before their finisher and his actually made sense as it simulated earthquake tremors before hitting the big impact. The big impact in this case being what was essentially a running bonzai drop that no one could kick out of, including poor Adam here who would succumb in just 35 seconds.

Such a cool finisher and it cost me so much money at the arcade trying to pull it off in the arcade game WWF Wrestlefest.

After this loss Wippleman would show less gratitude than my first girlfriend (I was well out of her league) and unceremoniously dumped Mr Bomb (I'm not bitter about it). Now all alone Adam would try to reform his evil ways and appease the crowd by throwing toy nuclear weapons to children on the way to his matches. Another great WWF marketing idea.

When it became apparent that Adam's WWF career was both bomb by name and nature he would disappear for a couple of years until Eric Bischoff discovered Mortal Kombat and Wrath was born. Again he would be lumbered with an awful gimmick until a serious injury would derail his WCW career. Having flopped in both major US promotions he was at rock bottom and depression set in.

Then something miraculous happened. For the time in history someone's life improved by smoking Kronik and listening to Brian Adams. Our hero reinvented himself as a tag team wrestler that dominated WCW with another man who lost at Wrestlemania 10, the former Crush. Their trademark high power offence, which often involved tables when it was still cool, had done something Vince had never been able to do. It made him ENTERTAINING.

When WWF bought out WCW it gave both Kronik members a chance at redemption. But alas like Icarus they got too high and would suffer a fatal fall at the hands of the Brothers of Destruction. This would signal the end of both their careers. Whilst their WWF tag run was a bust it was still less embarrassing than being remembered as Adam Bomb and it was only possible because of this throwaway match at the 10th annual Wrestlemania.

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE LADDER MATCH: RAZOR RAMON (C) v SHAWN MICHAELS

By Pete Hitchcock

I remember a few things from the first time I watched this match. Razor walks under the ladder like a cool badass who isn't afraid of seven years bad luck. Given his problems with substances later in the 90s, this might have been a bad move. There is a nasty backdrop or something like that onto the floor at one point. HBK gets tangled up in the ropes in a fantastic way. And this is the ladder match where it's a fight...with a ladder!

I'm not particularly in the mood for ladder matches especially coming so soon after a dogshit-is-too-kind-a-word TLC PPV and a turgid miserable affair on NXTUK where the most memorable thing that happened was I caught a shiny Fletchling on Pokemon Ultra Sun. Seems like everyone else had the same thoughts as this match, a bonafide classic, has been left as the dregs for Mania X.

Gallus killed the ladder match, it's official. You suck. The two Intercontinental Belts hanging. No rules. Only way to win is to ascend the ladder. Now this is how you do things. HBK out first with BIG FUCKING SEXY KEVIN NASH and does not walk under the ladder, although he still had some rough shit to go through in the 90s. HBK is great. What a dick. Razor shimmies under the ladder like I remember because he's a badass...a fool, but a badass. Prime Vince-ism as we hear 'capacity crowd' but he tells us, probably for the first time in most people's cases that you can use the ladder as a weapon! Thanks, Vince.

Now I have to watch a bunch of Progress rejects doing spots for 45 minutes. Imagine if you couldn't use it as a ladder. In fantastic fashion, they actually wrestle at the start and Michaels gets heat by having Diesel plow down Razor on the outside in plain view of the ref. Since there are no rules, this is a genius idea! Diesel immediately gets ejected by the ref, which is bullshit. He didn't break the rules! This is already losing its lustre for me.

HBK takes a fun bump into the ring over the ropes. Razor goes for the Razor's Edge on HBK but HBK backdrops him onto concrete just like I remember and that probably sucked. HBK has to go all the way down the aisle to get the ladder and Razor gets up awful quick from taking the concrete to intercept him but as he's getting back in the ring, HBK basement dropkicks the ladder into him. If I remember correctly, there's just one ladder in this match which is genius.

The first time I saw it I thought they would need a second from how messed up the ladder gets. More ladder shots gets Razor down and allows HBK to climb at a brisk pace but Razor is able to grab at HBK's feet and waist so HBK kicks him down and drops the elbow, with his ass hanging out. It works here because Razor is getting back up even as he hits the ground so Michaels really has no choice but to take him out. Smart! This was not the case with NXTUK.

HBK gets pushed off for the first time and bounces off the ropes the next time he climbs and then there is a mutual knockout in the ring! No ladder involved. They are quite canny with how little they have really used the ladder so far. Michaels sets up the ladder in the corner to whip Razor into and it works here because Razor is blocking the centre of the ring so he can't set it up to climb. Again, a lost art. HBK gets reversed and eats shit, which is fun.

On the outside Razor monkey flips HBK into the ladder and soon enough Michaels is down on the floor but Michaels is able to make it to Razor in time by climbing up to the top turnbuckle and diving into Razor as he gets high enough. Contrived but these two made it work. Razor throws HBK off the ladder as they're both on the top but the ladder is so battered that it collapses under him which looks amazing and isn't really something you see now.

That might have been an accident but it absolutely works. HBK dropkicks the ladder to stop Razor's next climb because he doesn't even have time to get round to the other side. Sweet Chin Music gets Michaels the advantage and he follows up with a cool piledriver before surfing the ladder into Razor's face, Razor's not quite in the centre here to give Michaels the excuse to not just...climb, but close enough.

Finally HBK tries to climb while Razor is underneath the ladder and the payoff to Michaels not climbing while Razor was in the centre the previous times is great as he has no choice here and Razor simply gets up and knocks him off, onto the ropes where he takes an epic crotching and entanglement, allowing the Bad Guy to climb up and unify the belts!

This, despite my foul mood, was an easy watch and was really smart - I can definitely understand how mind blowing this would have been at the time. With that said, that NXTUK ladder match can fuck off.

WINNER - AND STILL INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, RAZOR RAMON BY PULLING THE STRAPS

WWF WORLD TITLE MATCH: YOKOZUNA (C) v BRET HART

By Luke Heffernan

The Wrestlemania X Main Event is just about to begin and the bombshell has been dropped that Hot Rod will be the special guest referee. Burt Reynolds introduces the champion first, Yokozuna, an absolute behemoth of a man. I reflect solemnly while writing this in Liverpool, the very place that Yoko sadly died at the turn of the millennium, that all 3 men present in the ring have all passed just 25 years later. Thankfully there is no time for further reflection as Bret hastily makes his way down the aisle, sporting a limp earned from brother Owen in the curtain jerker this very evening.

Bret struggles to get in to the ring and Yoko (not Ono) wastes no time at all at laying a beatdown on the challenger. This match is of course both men's second match of the evening. In almost strange circumstances, Yokozuna has had to defend his championship two times this evening (for the second Wrestlemania in a row, yes I am looking at you Hulk Hogan, as a result of both Luger and Hart (not Jimmy) winning the rumble but when one could simply just suggest a triple threat match you have to ask why? Meanwhile the Hitman as mentioned earlier settled a blood feud with his brother in an all time classic less than 3 hours ago, so no man has a real advantage right? Well maybe Yokozuna because he's absolutely fucking massive. Mr. Fuji (also dead) is present at ringside with Japan flag in hand and Cornette (joke redacted) is also ringside with trusted racquet thingy.

After approximately two minutes both men look more shagged than Razor Ruddock (not Ramon) after running off the bench. Did Ruddock play in 1994? (Nerd was not yet alive; apologies) The match almost seems as if 25 minutes has passed whiled I blinked. Yokozuna and Bret are both struggling for oxygen on the floor as Bret goes for a laboured pinfall. Cornette pulls Roddy out the ring as he goes for the count and gets a right hand for his troubles. Yokozuna who is sweating profusely (Nerd rewinds to genuinely check if he has hit skip during this match) gains the upper hand and as quick, innovative and unbelievable as you expect Yokozuna's offence to be, puts the beating down on Bret. He dumps Bret to the outside to catch his breath from the check notes 4 minutes of wrestling that has occurred and Hot Rod begins the count.

Bret eventually makes his way back in to the clutches of the Sumo and gracefully dodges a running arse smash, hops to the middle rope and hits a bulldog. What follows is Bret hitting a middle rope axe handle and running clothesline both followed by near falls while Cornette loses his shit ringside. Bret (again to the middle rope, bloody Jeff Hardy over here) gets caught going to the well too often when he's caught and spinebustered by the near 600lb Champion when attempting a jumping splash. Following the flattening of Bret, Yokozuna goes to the middle rope himself and the fans eagerly await the Bonsai Drop and the retaining of the WWF Title.

But then... he falls. And Bret hooks the leg... and wins. Via... falling.

At least Hogan didn't come out.

Bret's crowning moment is pure euphoria to the Madison Square Garden crowd. As the fireworks erupt and Bret holds his newly won Championship above his head he is joined by Lex Luger. Then Roddy, then Razor, then Tatanka, Sparky Plug, 123 Kid, and DONNY. FUCKING. WAHLBERG. The wrestlers lift Bret to the heavens in celebration as the infamous music belts round the famed arena.

Bret Hart opened and closed the curtain on one of the New Generation's biggest nights.

WINNER - AND NEW WWF CHAMPION, BRET HART BY YOKOZUNA WHOOPSIE FALL