Charlie is up this week on the rota and he plumped for Tuesday In Texas and in particular The Nasty Boys against The Bushwhackers. Sadly, WSBF fans, that match is locked in the archives as all dark matches from this event are not on the WWE Network. Gutted!
Therefore, we have a pretty exclusive five match card for you this week! We think you will find it all killer and no filler, and like Sum 41, it makes no difference to me. Let's get to it!
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: BRET HART (C) v SKINNER
By Ross Casey
This was an easy pick for me this week. I am an absolute Bret Hart fanatic (to the point where I was dressed as him for my stag do) and I once saw Skinner get mooned by a middle aged rotund woman at the Colston Hall in Bristol. An absolute dream match!
Bret gets his full entrance, complete with amazing theme and he looks a million dollars. Skinner is already in the ring like a jobber and looks like he came from the swamp. Which kayfabe - he did.
Commentary comes from Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon, the absolute pinnacle of commentary booths. Bobby comments that Bret Hart will be on the wall at Skinner's house after tonight and Gorilla admits that he is in fact undefeated in WWF at this time.
Bret hits some inverted body drops that send Skinner packing out of the ring to begin, which sends the crowd loopy. Man, I miss excitable, non smarky crowds! Skinner slides back in and gets schooled with a multitude of Hitman submissions, before he manages to clamber to the ropes to break the hold.
Just as the pair are about to tie up, Skinner stalls and goes between the ropes to slow things down and recuperate. Bret is frustrated, but the ref does his job and pulls them apart. Matt will be pleased.
Monsoon calls Skinner something the cat brought in, and Heenan completes the sentence saying and too scared to bring back out. Could listen to these two all day. Skinner finally gets some offence in, landing a headbutt an eye rake and posting Bret. He smiles at the camera as brown, chewed tobacco pours out of his mouth. He is quite the sight, a perfect heel. I remember being grossed out as a kid, for sure.
Skinner chokes him on the outside, rolls Bret back in and synches in an abdominal stretch. He uses the ropes for extra leverage and the crowd are going insane when trying to get the ref's attention. Love it.
Skinner gets a two with a shoulderbreaker, before Bret gets a hope spot in. Just as the crowd are expecting the comeback, Bret misses the elbow from the second rope and Skinner has control again. The Hitman truly was a master with his psychology. He played the crowd to perfection, taking them on the journey of rooting for the hero in peril every time.
We then get a distracted ref, as Skinner goes to one corner to pick up his cup of spat out tobacco, which the ref stops him using, so when he deals with the previous, Skinner goes to the other corner and hits Bret with an alligator claw. Talk about bizarre foreign objects! This is great fun. The crowd are eating it up, too.
As Skinner dissects Bret like he's a reptile he's skinning from the swamp, the crowd are getting more and more behind their fallen hero. Skinner is reacting brilliantly to the commotion, shouting and screaming at the masses to quiet and then putting his foot across Hart's throat.
Skinner hits his Gatorbreaker inverted DDT finisher but thanks to a nonchalant cover, Bret is able to kick out. Skinner goes up top but eats a big boot from his jumping nothing! Russian leg sweep, backbreaker, second rope elbow and it's a two for Bret!
Skinner rolls Bret up for a very close two that even I bought, despite knowing who won this match. The swamp man then goes up top with all the urgency of Bristol City on a January deadline day, therefore he gets caught and slammed to the mat before submitting to the sharpshooter, which the crowd pop big time for.
Bret was a don, he had a 15 minute match with Skinner, had his way with him, got caught and sold for seven minutes before making a believable comeback beyond three moves and winning. LOVED IT.
WINNER - STILL INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, BRET HART
RANDY SAVAGE v JAKE ROBERTS
By Charlie Robery
My turn again to pick this week’s Nerd Watch Wednesday PPV and I’ve gone with niche classic ‘This Tuesday In Texas’ from 1991. I picked it as this event was largely featured on the Coliseum Home Video ‘Supertape 92’.
Supertape 92, along with ‘Year In Review 1993’ were played to death between myself and my brother growing up, so I thought I’d go with it. That and I owe everyone a better PPV than Survivor Series 99 (sorry Shafi).
My match is between the real king. Not the Trump lover on Raw but the ‘Macho Man’ himself vs the ultimate heel, Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts. This one has history and for anyone that’s ever seen the end of Summer Slam 1991 knows Jake is a sod. A real sod.
He and The Undertaker crashed the wedding reception and ‘gifted’ the happy couple a snake (of course…). It caused a big kick off and here we are a few months later in December. I can’t promise the wedding of Mr WSBF won’t be full of wrestling hijinks, but I can promise I won’t bring a snake.
Onto the action and before Roberts’ music barely sounds, an angry, colourful Savage sprints down the aisle and takes down Jake. No one ever questions it but while we’re here; why did Randy Savage dress like Big Bird raided lost property? Can’t knock it!
As for the wrestling, it’s not a masterclass, quite drawn out and slow but not boring. It just works. That’s just what Jake ‘The Snake’ can do, especially against a top worker like ‘The Macho Man’. I’d love to talk more about the wrestling but there’s not much to write home about, so we’ll go through the ending quickly before we get onto one of the great WTF moments in wrestling history!
Jake calls for the DDT finisher, Savage counters him into the corner, right in the ribs (that man and his ribs..), Jake falls flat, Savage goes up top, lands the elbow, 1-2-3, Randy is the winner. Boring bit out of the way...
Not content with beating him, Mach goes for the chair, but it’s snatched off him. Goes for the ring bell. Plot = lost. Earl Hebner grabs the bell off of Savage, which lets Roberts in for the game changer. DDT. And another. Savage. Is. Out.
So what does heel Bobby Ball do? Go to the showers and rest his ribs? Does he fuck..! HE GRABS THE SNAKE (family show…) and teases a helpless Savage with it. Wife Elizabeth sprints to the ring to help but this nut case isn’t having it and continues to stalk The Macho Man. He wants the snake to bite his throat. Crikey!
After more pleading, Jake gives Elizabeth a dry slap. Wouldn’t happen in 2019.
Jack Tunney escorts Jake away from the ring area and I’ve totally messed this one up. I was convinced this was the one where Savage got bitten by the snake and it isn’t…FUCK SAKE! Ah well, good fun. Less fun without a snake. Minus nerd points for me. I cannot believe that…it was my pick and everything!
WINNER - RANDY SAVAGE BY ELBOW DROP
WARLORD VS THE BRITISH BULLDOG
By Matt Brummitt
For those of you not intimate with Bulldog’s career, (a) you’re a disgrace to your nation & (b) you’ll be unaware how average his 1991 was. It was a mix of boring big man stuff (Berzerker, Warlord, et al) & him bringing better wrestlers down (Mr Perfect). Even big ol’ Meltzy awarded him with the prestigious “Most Unimproved” title that year. Why not just “Least Improved”?
This run meandered all the way to Wrestlemania VII when he fought Warlord again in another underwhelming scrap. Don’t be sad though ladies & gents, skip forward to SummerSlam 92 when Bret dragged him to an absolute banger in front of 300,000 people at the Reebok Stadium.
As for Warlord, he was a professional wrestler.
Warlord doesn’t get a televised entrance but he has Harvey Wippleman so he’s better than you & yo momma. Bulldog gets an entrance because Vince wants to show off his lovely glisten.
They do the test-of-strength-gut-kick-from-the-heel spot. Warlord whips Davey and goes for another kick but Davey catches it and trips him. He proceeds to hit a headbutt to the air a foot above Warlord’s crotch.
Warlord hits Bulldog in the stomach (is working the gut a thing? I guess Overeem did it to Lesnar) & regains control. By control, I mean Warlord takes his turn doing moves as this match has zero structure. Bulldog then clotheslines Warlord out of the ring. This match is so hard to write up without CTRL+C/V-ing “then” as nothing links together. The crowd seem to like it though.
Bulldog jumps on Warlord on the outside but Warlord catches him. At least I think that was what was supposed to happen. Warlord just no sold the dive and picked Bulldog up. No criticism as Davey is stacked, but it looked odd. Warlord rams Bulldog into the post. Bulldog gets on the apron, Warlord tries to drive his head into the turnbuckle but is blocked and instead it’s his head that gets some smashing. 10 smashes to be exact.
Flying dropkick from Davey followed by a clothesline. Warlord is now tied up in the ropes. Bulldog throws some punches that make Shano Mac look like Jeff Jarrett. He follows this up by charging at Warlord but the latter moves (with some help from Wippleman) and the former goes balls first into the top rope. I also think Bobby Heenan just said “side salad” instead of “side saddle” but cannot confirm at this juncture.
Back body drop from Warlord. Wippleman joshes to the camera. Warlord applies a bear hug. The first of the match so this is definitely a workrate match for these two tonight. Bulldog eventually Hulks up & breaks out but Warlord cuts him off with a belly-to-belly powerslam thing. That was pretty good.
Warlord beats on Davey a bit more, even getting a 2 after hitting a devastating shoulder blade punch. Warlord attempts a back body drop but this is reversed into a piledriver attempt. He can’t quite make it though so tries a sunset flip instead. Warlord drops to his knees though to hit a teabag-pin. Davey reverses the teabag into a pin of his own but Warlord escapes and hits a clothesline.
Warlord applies a full nelson but rather than gripping his fingers, he grips Davey’s hair. The ref can’t see it though. Naughty Warlord. Bulldog droops down so the ref should be able to see this now. Matt Connolly would be going apeshit if he was in Texas on a Tuesday in 1991. The ref does the arm lift bit and Davey holds on on the third one. He doesn’t manage to break the hold though and Warlord eventually chucks him to the mat (I assume he’s going to do a SANADA now and will miss a moonsault and get beat).
Warlord tosses Davey into the corner but gets a boot in the face. Crowd liked that. Second rope clothesline from Bulldog. Follows up with a stalling vertical suplex but only good for the 2. Bulldog tries the running powerslam but Warlord grabs the top rope. Davey tries to yank him off [phrasing] but this results in Warlord landing on him. Warlord goes for the cheeky pin but just a 2.
Irish whip from Warlord but Davey uses his momentum to hit a not-so-pretty running crucifix which gets him the 3!
Summary: I didn’t expect anything from this so no tears have been shed. It was nice to see Bulldog though & Harvey Wippleman is a stone cold thug. Crowd were pretty hot which brought the quality up.
WINNER: BULLDOG BY A SHITTY CRUCIFIX
REPO MAN & TED DIBIASE v EL MATADOR & VIRGIL
By JCH
Repo Man I remember from being the first character you had to beat in the old WWF arcade game. I’m a bit confused by his character. I always thought he was a guy who repossessed things? Yet he seems to be dressed and moving like a spy. Also I think he has a lasso?
Sensational Sherri is in the corner of Dibiase and is massaging his calf.
Tito and Repo starts off. And It’s all Tito, hitting a series of lovely counters to frustrate Repo. He’s just too quick for the Repo Man. A deep arm drag is the highlight.
In comes Ted, which leads to a big hype before the tag for Virgil. Who promptly gets his ass kicked by Ted. Virgil comes back and hits an atomic drop that Dibiase sells comically by bouncing over the top rope. Does Repo Man move like that so he can creep up on people and repossess their stuff without them seeing him? Should be called Creepo Man.
Creepo and Ted work Virgil in the corner as Matt Connolly screams about the ref not seeing the countless double teams. After a beatdown, Virgil catches Ted with a nice swinging neckbreaker and makes the Hot Tag to Tito, who hits some lovely dropkicks on Creepo.
Ted catches Tito from the outside as he runs the ropes and batters him into the steps whilst the ref is again ‘distracted’. Tito continues to get beaten up and eventually makes the Tag. BUT THE REF DIDN’T SEE IT and throws Virgil out.
After a bit more of a beatdown Virgil gets the hot tag. It’s all breaking down. Ref isn’t looking. Sherri hits Ted with a shoe. Somehow DiBiase landed on top of Virgil for the 3. I have no idea what happened?
OK I have rewound it. So Sherri tried to hit Virgil with a shoe, but hit Ted instead. Virgil tried to go for Sherri and Creepo man gave him a mild kick to the back. Virgil fell down and Ted pinned him. The kick to the back of Doom.
That was perhaps the weakest finish of all time?????
Match was OK. Santana impressed me.
WINNERS - TED DIBIASE & CREEPO MAN BY KICK TO THE BACK OF DOOM
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: THE UNDERTAKER (C) v HULK HOGAN
G’day lads, Dom Van Dam here and it’s main event time in Texas. Earlier this evening, to open the show, The Undertaker and his manager Paul Bearer promise to deliver on “the burial” of Hulk Hogan because “nothing is immortal; not even Hulkamania.” This is an extended metaphor that is weaved throughout the entire story arc in this show, culminating in our main event showdown between 2 wrestlers who must be in the top 5 draws in the history of the company.
Our challenger for the WWF title this evening has a live right of reply in the form of a backstage interview with Mean Gene Okerlund, just before the opening bell. Hogan continues the metaphor of burial and rebuts the premise that Hulkamania is dead; rather it has survived because of “the little Hulkamaniacs.” So it is very clear that it is to my past self, who never lost faith in Hulk Hogan, that we owe this piece of absolute magic on the WWE Network. Myself and WWF President, Jack Tunney.
At Survivor Series, Taker knocked off The Hulkster and won his first WWF Title, with an assist from “The Real World’s Champion” Ric Flair and a steel chair. Tonight Hogan attempts to wrest back what he lost against the undefeated deadman.
Putting aside the modern day reports that make Hogan seem like a bit of a trash fire of a human being, no matter what anyone says; I’ve got genuine goosebumps when “Real American” hits and the bronzed challenger hits the ring. It’s nostalgia city with Heenan and Monsoon on the call. 15 seconds in we get “Clothesline and a beauty,” and Dom Van Dam is dead set loving this, like The Nature Boy loved his 4th wife (which, of course, was his 8456th shag).
The action is all Hogan in the early going, hitting an Atomic Drop and an Axe Bomber on The Phenom; cool! Taker takes over after some spiritual inspiration from The Urn and some light choking that would seem more at home in the current Lashley/Lana storyline than in a main event championship match.
Taker seems really slow and plodding, keeping with the Frankenstein’s Monster style of gimmick (where he develops in athleticism and intellect, quickly, throughout his lifespan). But he still manages to hit the famous Rope Walk and Flying Lariat whilst he’s building heat on Hogan. He goes to the Old School well once too often though - and Hogan crashes him down to the mat from the heavens.
Flair is here now and up on the apron, but Hogan sends Taker into the famous Chair of Flair. The Real American seizes The Urn from Bearer and releases the contents all over the canvas like some post-modern art work. He uses a Brimful of the Ashes to blind the native of Death Valley and utilises a schoolboy for the 1-2-3!
The Hulkamaniacs once again have a champion they can be proud of and I don’t care how cool or jaded you are in 2019, this just made me feel safe. Honestly, this is as good as it gets, treat yourself to a slice of warm, fuzzy, nostalgia pie this Wednesday and chuck this show on the network.
Just don’t forget to say your prayers, eat your vitamins, drink lots of water and look after your mates.
DVD
WINNER - AND NEW WWF CHAMPION, HULK HOGAN BY BLINDING THE DEAD MAN WITH HIS OWN ASHES
PREVIOUS NERD WATCHES:
MATT C - SUMMERSLAM 92
CHARLIE - SURVIVOR SERIES 99
SHAFI - SUMMERSLAM 94
NINETIES MIKE - THE WRESTLING CLASSIC
JAMES - WRESTLE KINGDOM 7
DOM - HEATWAVE 98
N/A - SUMMERSLAM 2019
PETE - SAKURA GENESIS 2017
ROSS - WORLD WAR 3 1997
MATT B - WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE
N/A - CLASH OF CHAMPIONS 2019
MATT C - NO WAY OUT 2000
DANIEL - SUMMERSLAM 98
CHARLIE - TUESDAY NIGHT IN TEXAS
Комментарии