We are making history twice in one article this week at WSBF. Not only are we doing our first ever current PPV recap with this past weekend's Summerslam event, we have a guest writer from our community of Twitter followers! Thanks to the excellent Sheldon Snozwell for agreeing to take part this week..
It only seems right that we start with him, so without any further ado, let's get to the WSBF review of the 32nd annual Summerslam!
WWE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - DREW GULAK (C) v ONEY LORCAN
By Sheldon Snozwell
Gulak and Lorcan have the job of having the opening match of the pre-show of SummerSlam 2019. The match looks like it will start out at a break neck speed when as soon as the bell rings Gulak hits Lorcan with a dropkick into the turnbuckle! A quick exchange of chain wrestling ends with the two men stood face to face across the ring as neither man is able to get the upper hand.
Another exchange of chain wrestling sees the champion get the upper hand, before the challenger pushes him into the corner and unleashes some hellish chops to the chest of Gulak.
After being thrown around the ring a few times Gulak responds with a vicious scoop slam with Lorcan's knee bending across the top rope.
For the next few moments an advert takes centre stage, as the action moves down to the bottom left corner of your device (annoying, not like you’ve had a whole hour beforehand to show as many video packages as you like).
The match makes its way to the outside as Lorcan lights up Gulak's chest a few more times before rolling him back inside the ring. Gulak uses the extra few seconds he has inside the ring to get himself out and lock Lorcan in the Gulock - great ring awareness from the champion as he locks in the arm closest to the rope, only for Lorcan to stretch out a leg and reach the bottom one.
Both men go for high impact slams - both connect and they are laid out in the middle of the ring. They get back to their feet at the same time and meet in the ring like two old boxers who are ready to hear the final bell.
Lorcan lands the first shot with an open palm strike that echoed around the arena. Gulak gets the better of the exchange as Lorcan drops to his knees and covers up as Gulak rains blows on the back of his challenger’s head. Lorcan looks for a second like he might power out but Gulak is unwilling to slow down and continues to pound away. Gulak goes for the Gulock once more, but this time Lorcan rolls through to pick up a very near fall.
Lorcan picks up Gulak and hits him with some more of his brutal palm strikes, before smashing his opponent with uppercuts. He looks for the half and half, but ends up hitting the biggest uppercut of the night, almost knocking Gulak out the ring.
As Lorcan tries to pull the Champion back fully inside the ring, Gulak grabs hold of the ring apron cover, dragging it into the ring with him. A stomp onto the hand of Gulak forces him to release his grip.
As the ref goes to remove the apron cover from the ring, Lorcan turns around into a massive shot to the throat from Gulak, setting the champion up to land a Cyclone Crash in the middle of the ring for the win, AND STILL your WWE Cruiserweight Champion Drew Gulak.
Yet again, another outstanding showing by the guys from 205 Live. This may not be what we’ve come to expect from the Cruiserweights over the past year or so, but that doesn’t mean it was any less fun to watch.
Less about flips and OMG moments, more about great technical wrestling and some of the stiffest strikes you’ll see, reminding me of that great Gregory Helms Cruiserweight Title run from Smackdown all those years ago.
What’s next for Gulak? Will Lorcan get another shot at the (Purple) gold? Or will we see some new faces in the 205 Live title scene? All I can tell you for sure is that at Clash Of Champions, the Cruiserweight title match will be brilliant... it always bloody is.
WINNER - STILL WWF CRUSISERWEIGHT CHAMPION, DREW GULAK BY CYCLONE CRASH
APOLLO CREWS v BUDDY MURPHY
By JCH
I’ve been off Main Roster WWE for a couple of months, but as my bro was going to the show, I planned on checking out Summerslam. I had originally volunteered for Charlotte vs Trish as Charlotte is always good and I thought it would be interesting, but when watching the pre-show, I saw my ‘2018 WWE wrestler of the year’ Buddy Murphy had a match. So, I palmed Charlotte off to a very happy Pete and ended up here.
I’ve watched two bangers this week already, Taichi vs Tomohiro Ishii and Arisa Hoshiki vs Jungle Kyona, Both highly recommended along with Takeover. My fave matches from Takeover were the Street Profits vs reDRagon, Io vs Candace and Shayna vs Mia Yim for those wondering.
Murphy straight out the gate with one of his fantastic knees, I thought that was it! Murphy just had bangers last year and the start of this year on 205 Live. Last time I saw him was against Velveteen Dream on NXT. That was great as were his two matches with Tony Nese.
Double crossbody collision and both men are down. Great work from Crews catching Murphy coming off the top and throwing him up for a Samoan Drop, followed by a standing moonsault. Slick from Apollo.
Cheeky Nandos From Murphy into a running sit out power bomb for two. Graves talks about Murphy's innovation for the cheeky Nandos before he hits another huge knee, Crews reverses Murphy’s Law into a roll up for a near fall. Buddy avoids a moonsault to the outside, throws Crews into the stairs and then hits a dive over the top.
Murphy throws Crews back in and Oh For Fucks sake. What is this clown doing? Rowan has attacked Buddy and ruined the nice time everyone was having watching this match. It’s a decent attack to be fair. He sort of powerbomb throws Murphy into the ring post.
Big win for Buddy there though. Go on lad. Well, I was enjoying that, but it took a twist and ended very suddenly. We will rate this as the Lancashire vs Yorkshire tie due to D-L-S from a couple of years ago.
WINNER - BUDDY MURPHY DY DISQUALIFICATION
WWF WOMENS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - ALEXA & NIKKI (C) v THE IICONICS
By Mat Carlson
What a gift I've been given today. The last picked in gym class is none other than the match i'm most pumped for: IIconics vs Bliss & Nikki Cross for the Womens Tag Championship. The championship the Australian duo should have never been stripped of. Let's strap ourselves in for another entrance fit for a successful comedy lounge that will more than likely fall flat because their humour doesn't translate to American.
Ok that one was pretty flat...
I don't know how I feel about the newest championship being defended on the pre-show, surely on a sizeable card like Summerslam, it could get onto the main card, none of these woman are schmucks.
Bell rings to set Kay and Bliss loose on each other. I can only assume Bliss is a face at the moment with her Buzz Lightyear get up and antics? Match rolls on with the momentum chopping and changing. All four of these women are doing a great job to create a fluent match with the short time slot I'm presuming they have... just as I type that, there goes the bell with a clunky finish as the Iiconics get pinned rather easily.
All in all, Sasha Banks would be chucking an absolute wobbly at the positioning and time limit within this card. Nevertheless, this was fairly entertaining.
I only wish there was a full time microphone on Billie Kay. She is an absolute gem. Come to think of it, they both are absolute national treasures. And I don't just love them because I'm Australian, I'm Australian, because I love them.
WINNERS - ALEXA BLISS & NIKKI BLISS BY TWISTED BLISS
WWE RAW WOMENS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - BECKY LYNCH (C) v NATALYA
By Matt Brummitt
Some wrestling stories fall neatly from the sky, crafted from personal & professional history. If we’re very lucky, these fall to the ground at the exact time when the performers involved are both in the same physical sphere and in the best state to perform them in the manner they deserve.
14 years ago in Japan, a third generation talent takes an 18 year old kid under her wing. The kid has promise and they develop a friendship. Within a year, the understudy takes a bad shot to the head and leaves the business.
A few months later, her mentor fulfils her lineal destiny by joining the biggest wrestling company in the world. Less than three years later, she becomes champion. Despite her moments at the top of the division, she spends the next decade being a proud fighter in a world which doesn’t take her - or her colleagues seriously.
Then one day, things start to change and female wrestling is everything she dreamt it would become. She has fought for nearly 20 years to make this happen & finally the biggest wrestling match of the year involves not men, but three women.
But she is not one of them. They are (1) an outside megastar; (2) another multi-generational talent; and (3) the understudy from 14 years ago. The kid came back to wrestling and became the biggest star in the world. She goes on to win this match. Rather than usurping her mentor, Lynch just bypassed her like she never existed; even though Natalya has been the spine that kept the division standing for over a decade.
Forgive me the hyperbole as this is my debut review, but I think it’s important to stress how much of a dream this 14 year history should be in the hands of a promoter. Whether you go down the bitter jealous veteran route; the unappreciative mentee route; or a nuanced mixed of the two, it should all be gold.
Unfortunately, despite the above being touched on (though more on social media than TV), the hook for the match is now who has the coolest submission. Our referee tonight is Dan “Rudy Charles” Engler and our ring announcer is Heidenreich Mike Rome. Here we go…
Lynch is out first. Despite the “Canada needs a new hero” heel trope she’s been touting, she gets a decent pop. Nattie is drenched in a Canadian flag (Note to all wrestlers: being drenched in a flag always looks dope. Even if you hold it strangely as Nattie does halfway through her entrance).
Despite the flag drench, her pop is middling. “Becky” chants ensue. Slap battle. Corner strikes. More corner strikes. Bexploder. During all of this, Renee is talking about the Disarm-her vs Sharpshooter debate. Commentary then descends into childish bickering. Standard.
We then get a range of Becky submission attempts (mainly armbar focussed) and counters. It’s not ZSJ-Sanada but it’s perfectly serviceable stuff. The lack of rope breaks in a submisssion match definitely adds to the drama.
Nattie roughs up Becky on the outside and gets an OK pop when she gets back in the ring. The Canadian is working the leg and the commentators are doing an alright job explaining why. Nattie pops getting louder. Becky is selling well and getting bits of offence amongst Nattie’s onslaught. Absolutely cracking spot where Nattie puts Becky on the middle turnbuckle as she sits on the top and applies the Sharpshooter.
The match goes to the outside where Becky gets back on top & targets the arm. Crowd are now 50/50. “Let’s Go Becky/Becky Sucks”. Nattie with a top rope superplex. She follows up with that cool spot where she hits a running stomp to the back of a seated Becky, but ends it with a (somewhat clumsy) basement dropkick reversed into a Becky Sharpshooter. Nattie sells well but then reverses, sending Becky into the corner. Because WWE can’t have spaces between traded spots, Nattie applies a Disarm-her almost straightaway.
A few reversals end up with Nattie cinching in the Sharpshooter. Big pop. The crowd is now on Nattie’s side. Becky drags herself to the ropes and Nattie applies the Sharpshooter over the ring apron. She then drags her back into the middle of the ring for another attempt but Becky reverses it into a Disarm-her. Nattie refuses to tap.
Becky then grabs the wrist from a different angle which is a nice touch. Nattie eventually taps. Slightly flat finish to a mixed crowd. Becky leaves with the title, looking happy but still selling the leg.
Summary: 12 minutes flew by here in a good opening match. A better build and a few more minutes could have made it really good but well done to both participants. They made it feel like a submission match too, rather than just running through a normal match with a submission finish. Commentary were OK for the most part & Graves spouted less boring bilge than usual. The crowd turning mid-match always elevates things, so props to Toronto.
Final note: Does anyone else remember the halcyon days when the Sharpshooter was meant to hurt your lower back rather than your legs? I guess it’s because it’s hard to sell your lower back without looking like Steptoe.
WINNER – BECKY LYNCH BY SUBMISSION WITH THE DISARM-HER
GOLDBERG v DOLPH ZIGGLER
By Shafi
Shaf was busy this week tasering the bastards... not Goldberg though, apparently.
WINNER - GOLDBERG BY MURDER SPEARS
WWE US CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - AJ STYLES (C) v RICOCHET
By Daniel Wildash
Ricochet v AJ Styles for the US title. This has all the making of a classic but it's WWE so I'll probably be disappointed. Since Ricochet joined WWE his entrance has been one of my favourites. The spotlight on him, "one and only" being said over the speakers as he reaches to the sky. That being said I am not a fan of his attire tonight. He looks like a poor man's Power Ranger.
AJ Styles. I could go on and on about how much I love this guy. Since he ended up in WWE that love has dwindled. The new angle with Gallows and Anderson has brought that love back, though. They call themselves The OC now. Take it Styles and co were a big fan of the programme back in the day like myself.
The bell rings and we are underway. A few whips into the corners from Ricochet ends with AJ outside. Ricochet looks like he's going for a dive to the outside but instead stops himself, jumps and hops off both Anderson and Gallows' shoulders into a hurricanrana on AJ. Pretty good start to this match!
He gets AJ back into the ring but the tables have turned as AJ counters Ricochet and starts attacking the leg. A few minutes pass whilst AJ continues to do this. Potential set up for AJ's signature Calf Crusher you would feel. A reversal by Ricochet seems to turn the tide a bit as he smashes AJ's head into the turnbuckle.
Ricochet hops up to the top rope on one leg and springboard lariats AJ into a two count from the ref. Very nice looking move. Neck breaker into a shooting star press for another two count. Not much happens until AJ kicks Ricochet's leg and chucks him to the outside. Running dropkick to Ricochet surprises the camera man as he falls to the floor...
Back in the ring now as AJ lands a Ushigoroshi for a two count. He looks for a Styles Clash but gets driven into the corner by Ricochet. Bit of toing and froing happens until Ricochet hits a step up enziguri and yet another two count from the ref.
Crowds getting behind Ricochet and his dodgy knee as he attempts to lift AJ up who reverses into a calf crusher. Ricochet reverses this into an ANACONDA VICE! Crowd starts chanting CM Punk, which is justified. A pin attempt after this by Ricochet ends in a two count as he goes to the top to land the 630.
I actually forgot Gallows and Anderson were ringside till now as they try and take him off the top rope. AJ recovers and takes out the legs of Ricochet only for Ricochet to also counter AJ.
Anderson tries again to take Ricochet out, which ends in him being kicked in the chest. Ricochet looks for a twisting moonsault, which gets beautifully countered into a Styles Clash by AJ for the win!!! A decent match, but I've seen better. These two are capable of much, much more.
WINNER - STILL YOUR WWE US CHAMPION, AJ STYLES
WWE SMACKDOWN WOMENS CHAMPIONSHIP - BAYLEY (C) v EMBER MOON
By Ross Casey
First off the bat, let it be said that as much as I love the in-ring action, without a story, I sometimes struggle to get too invested in a match. So when the pre-match hype video was nowhere to be seen, but adverts for The Mayans and Cricket Wireless were, I was pretty disappointed.
That disappointment moved to anger when I couldn't seem to move the commentary from being in German for the first few minutes of this match!
Ember Moon, dressed as Sarah Logan for the evening, is focused. Bayley beams her infectious smile through the reservoir of boos from the whacky Toronto crowd. Ember comes out of the blocks here, showing great athleticism, so Bayley intelligently slows the pace.
The pair are matching strikes until Moon hits an insane front flip clothesline in the corner. Bayley decides not to fight fire with fire on that one. Moon hits a kick to the back on Bayley that probably made Paige shudder and then lands a springboard crossbody.
They are performing a good match here, but the silence form the crowd is doing no favours to it and makes the bout feel lifeless. It isn't - but it feels that way. They evade one another for a bit with reversals before Bayley hits a running knee that JCH would approve of.
The pace of the match should kick on from there, but it gets actively slower and the fans, who were already ambivalent - are now silent. On the plus side, the commentary is now in English...
Sections of the crowd half arse a Hey Bayley chant and she returns in kind with a much more aggressive, cerebral approach to her move-set. Odd. The pace slows even a smidge more with an inverted Boston Crab from Bayley, which Moon sells well.
A fast nip up and superkick from Moon brings the crowd to life, only for both competitors to fall to the ground again. Bayley rolls out of the ring and cuts off the big dive through the ropes. That's what this match needs, more stalling and avoiding high spots.
Back in the ring and we get our best action of the match with a top rope huricanrana and a twisting codebreaker. Bayley kicks out and Moon sells her anguish for what seems much longer than the few seconds it was.
She fights back though and lands a nasty looking powerbomb off the turnbuckle. Ember Moon attempts to go to the turnbuckle to land her Eclipse finisher, but Bayley is desperate and holds onto her leg, slowing her down.
She does reach the top rope however, only to be met by Bayley, who hits a SUPER Bayley To Belly off the ropes for the win.
That was a poorly laid out match in my opinion, wrestled at a pace that gave the competitors very little chance to succeed. The commentary at one point said this was a coming out party for Moon.
If it was, it was one of those where you like the people there, but you just can't seem to have any fun, so make your excuses and leave early. An opportunity missed, what a shame. If you're a fan of women's wrestling, watch the matches from NXT last weekend instead.
WINNER - STILL YOUR SMACKDOWN WOMENS CHAMP, BAYLEY BY SUPER BAYLEY TO BELLY
KEVIN OWENS v SHANE MCMAHON
By Luke Heffernan
I accidentally launched the show in German Commentary. I have no idea what they are saying but I assume it's something along the lines of 'someone please grab the mic off this senile old bell end.' as Shane grabs the mic to announce Elias will be the special guest enforcer. He's not quite Iron Mike Tyson but Elias has a ripped ref shirt on so...
The grey haired attention obsessor rolls out the ring to start the match with KO in hot pursuit. Elias hits Owens with the ol' trip up you'd see in the playground. KO rolls back in after verbally assaulting our enforcer and god bless his soul gets punched a few times by Vince's son. You can almost see his liver implode on impact. Kevin overturns the offence because well he's a wrestler and he's literally facing a near 50 year old Shane fucking McMahon.
Our Germans pop big time for the CANNONBALL! Shane quickly regains the upper hand because he's Shane fucking McMahon and he's better than everybody. Why is Elias wearing a referee shirt? Is he like the linesman or 4th official match? Probably better than VAR anyway.
Shane continues to hit KO with his dynamic and innovative offence, it's like watching Bret in his prime. Kevin somehow ends up with a chair when the linesman slips it in the ring to get him DQ'd. Smart move. Owens decides not to use it because he isn't a complete moron and hits Shane with a superkick and frog splash instead.
His pinfall attempt is interrupted by Mike Dean when he pulls the ref while counting and Big Kev decides to go to town on the enforcer with a steel chair while the actual official is down. The Germans bloody love it. The ref recovers just as KO turns his attention to Shane and like a good samaritan hands the chair to the ref and LOW BLOWS Shane while the ref looks away.
Big Kev hits the stunner for the win an--- hold on a minute. VAR review. The pin has been OVERTURNED due to the low blow and Kevin Owens has been disqualified and fired from the WWE. Shane fucking McMahon does it again. Jokes.
WINNER - KEVIN OWENS BY LOW BLOW & STUNNER
TRISH STRATUS v CHARLOTTE FLAIR
By Pete Hitchcock
Those of you who know me will know there is a zero percent chance I'm gonna be impartial about this match. Despite the mere week and a half build and disconcerting lack of physicality between the two in that time, I am really excited for the match and am really happy that James dropped his original pick so I could slither in and grab it myself.
Charlotte and Trish both make their entrances. Charlotte has stopped doing her cartwheel entrance this year after Mania and I wonder if she injured her knee slightly in that match but not enough to be out of action as I can't see another reason why.
Trish looks absolutely amazing and has gotten into great shape. The height difference between the two is crazy as Charlotte makes Trish look absolutely tiny. Charlotte overpowers her easily to begin with and slams her into the corner but after Charlotte taunts her, Trish hits a few big moves including an admittedly sloppy headscissors sending Charlotte flying.
Trish gets another headscissors when countering a figure four attempt and sends Charlotte into the corner and The Queen is clearly rattled. Trish sends Charlotte outside and kicks her to the floor before catching up with her with a Thesz press. Some fan in the front row is audibly 'very stratusfied' but I bet his mood changed when Charlotte grabs Trish's leg out from underneath her and drops her face first into the steel steps to get the heat. Ring awareness, Trish! That's why Charlotte is on top.
Trish is immediately sent flying into the barricade to follow up before Charlotte rolls her back in the ring to break the count. Charlotte is quite physical working heat and looks like she wants to mess Trish up, just kicking her in the stomach as she's on the ground and then moving into stretching Trish's back over her knee. Trish is doing a great job selling that she is having a really crap time in there with a woman at the top of her game.
Charlotte does Trish's taunt for some cheap heat before stretching her over the ropes. It is probably worth mentioning that Charlotte has not stopped talking shit all match but she briefly shuts up after Trish counters her back suplex attempt into a pinning combination for two. The momentum changes as Charlotte eventually pisses Trish off enough by kicking and slapping her in the corner until Trish gets in some good shots but Charlotte soon big boots Trish off the apron and she takes a nasty bump, all folded up onto her tailbone.
As Trish manages to get her back in the ring, Charlotte knees her in the ribs and then stomps her head into the mat, it's kinda nasty. Charlotte is a bit dumb though, going for the moonsault and Trish gets out of the way and gets to fire back briefly again and now Charlotte gets in her first shot on Trish's leg.
Trish gets back up and starts chopping and slapping Charlotte. Charlotte retreats to the top turnbuckle but Trish follows her up to hurricanrana her off. Charlotte tries to counter into a powerbomb and Trish counters that into the hurricanrana anyway for a close near fall!
Charlotte looks rocked and a little scared and is struggling to get back up but counters the chick kick and is able to get a two count of her own with a big boot, which is her first pinfall attempt come to think of it. Charlotte appears to have gotten serious and starts to shred Trish's left knee but as she goes for the Figure Four, Trish gets a cradle for a two before getting her own Figure Four on Charlotte!
Charlotte is selling this like death but the referee is completely missing Trish's shoulders being on the mat applying the Figure Four...briefly. Forget that though, Trish bridges into her own Figure Eight! This is the only time I've seen another woman do it, but Trish isn't strong enough to hold the bridge in for long and Charlotte gets to the ropes after she collapses.
Charlotte tries a spear but hits the post and Trish hits Stratusfaction afterwards...but only gets two! A great bump as well, almost takes it like a DDT. The crowd obliges with a 'this is awesome' chant, sometimes simple is effective. Charlotte has now pissed off and the two start chopping the shit out of each other.
Trish gets two with a jackknife cover, then counters a Charlotte big boot into the Chick Kick...but it's only two again as Charlotte proves her toughness. Trish lines up Charlotte for a second kick as her opponent gets to her feet but Charlotte draws first with a big boot and then locks in the Figure Four and bridges into her own Figure Eight, with a HUGE fucking bridge making Trish tap!
Post match Charlotte walks up the ramp leaving Trish in the ring to get a well-deserved send off from her hometown. This was a really fun little match with good selling, great near falls, told the right story that Charlotte was just too strong and too tough and had the correct winner.
Trish not being able to hold in the bridge long enough on her own version for a tap was really cool as well, shows you how difficult the move is. Honestly it's probably Trish's best match in-ring ever.
WINNER - CHARLOTTE FLAIR BY THE FIGURE EIGHT SUBMISSION
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - KOFI KINGSTON (C) v RANDY ORTON
By Matt Connolly
Ok. So. This is the match I am most looking forward to on the Summerslam card. Kofi Kingston is everything I want in a champion. The best part of Kofi having the belt is that you know at any moment he could lose it. He's no John Cena or Roman Reigns. Any challenger to his crown could legitimately beat him and it makes all his title defences mean that much more.
Which challenger have they thrust upon him this time? Randy Orton. Now, I love Orton. He's the perfect vision of what a wrestler should look like in my eyes and his smoothness in the ring is almost unmatched. Just a Prodigy in this writers opinion. And most certainly a guy that at any moment could hold the big one for the company. That is what adds the extra slither of interest to this bout.
Also, add into the pot the backstory. The rumours of Randy putting the Kabosh on Kofi's push about 10 years ago and the infamous 'stupid' quote and here is a match dripping in backstory that fans so often cry out for in their wrestling. So, the promo package highlights Kofi's rise and uses every bit of footage available to paint the picture of Orton as a guy who kept our champion down before his time. Except Orton still believes it isn't Kofi's time.
Luckily he stays away from The Triple H/Booker way of doing this angle, we don't need "people like you" lines in 2019. It's a hot babyface Champ trying to prove his worth as champion against a legitimate challenger who we all hate. Isn't that wrestling?
To the entrances. Orton out first. He has some Hologram Vipers accompanying him. They look cool. Kofi next. New Day enter with him but return to the back. Kofi dashes out a bunch of pancakes to the kids. What a Fun champion! Also, his family are at ringside. That always ends well. Especially with Orton around.
The match has an intense start. Both Men exchange verbals and grapple into the corner where the ref has to physically enter himself between them to break it up. Randy flings a rogue pancake at Kofi. The tension is palpable. The crowd are involved in a "Kofi's stupid - Randy Sucks" chant. Louder for the latter part but still fairly split which would be suprising were it not for the cheer the heels attitude the crowd appear to have held for most of this show.
Again the two men tussle in the corner where the ref is again struggling to keep control before a brisk headbutt from Orton puts him on top. The two exchange moves for the opening parts and the match really takes a turn when Kofi goes to the top, but Randy gets to him before he can move and he is sent onto the barrier on the outside. Orton in control and hitting a huge back drop on the announce table as he so often does. The champ is in peril.
There is a fantastic visual of Orton shaking his head over the lifeless Kofi at ringside. People overthink wrestling and look for things that are not there sometimes and maybe I'm doing that but it's a fantastic snapshot image of the reasons for this contest.
Orton starts to work Kofi over now. Stomps and submissions to wear down the champion. We return again to the outside where Orton attempts to fling Kofi into the stairs but Kofi athletically avoids them before returning with an axe handle to turn the tide. Kofi attempts a crossbody but misses and Orton is again able to hit a massive back drop on the table. Orton puts the boots to Kofi and then decides to plant him top rope so he can hit a superplex, but after some back and forth striking Kofi blocks it and hits a tornado DDT.
Kofi then hits some of his bits including a Boom drop. Kofi calls Orton stupid. He's matching the man who thought he wasn't/isn't good enough. He returns to the corner and starts the New Day clap as he pumps himself up for his Trouble in Paradise finish. But Orton catches him in a wonderful backbreaker to shift the momentum. Randy mocks the New Day taunt before setting Kofi up for his draping DDT but Kofi fights out and flips Orton over the top rope. He follows it up with a trust fall to Orton which always looks impressive and terrifying.
He rolls Randy in the ring, climbs the turnbuckle and then hits a picture perfect standing frogsplash on Orton for a 2 count. Amazing form. Randy shoves Kofi into the corner and charges at him but Kofi ducks beneath and attempts his corner kick. Orton scouts it though and this time nails that DDT. This one is heating up. Orton slides away and starts to call for the RKO. Now I've watched enough wrestling to know that if you do the taunt you don't hit the thing but you can feel the dread of the crowd that this might be the twilight days of Kofi's reign with the belt.
Randy goes for RKO but Kofi reverses and hits a backslide. Kick out by Orton. Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise. Misses. Orton gets caught with a kick though which allows Kofi to go up top. He attempts to nail Orton and OUTTA NOWHERE!!!!! R. K. O." There are death, There are taxes and there is the RKO" states Cory. Randy is laughing but is too exhausted to make a cover. Kofi flops to the outside, right in front of his family.
His little lad is throwing the verbals at Randy. Randy then stares the kid out whilst dragging Kofi up. Just as Kofi comes to and starts throwing hands at Orton the bell rings. Its a countout. YOU ARE KIDDING!!! Thats it? Kofi puts a beating on Orton for daring to look at his kids but its all over and we look like we are getting more of this.
I'm fine with more matches and the storyline development but a countout at one of the Big four PPVs is a little cheap and leaves me unsatisfied. I guess that's the point though. I did enjoy the action we got. I'd trust these two to have a banger down the line but for now, I can't help but feel a little disappointed.
WINNER - OUR FUTURE SELVES BY COUNTOUT
THE FIEND v FINN BALOR
By Rob Armstrong
Yowie Wowie. Turns out Bray Wyatt’s gimmick is the same as Aziz Ansari’s. Non-consensual shoving of fingers in someone else’s mouth. ALLEGEDLY.
The Fiend’s debut could have been a disaster. This is WWE after all. They are spectacular at ruining things we’re excited about. However, in this instance I think everyone in the arena - except for old finger mouth Finn - could agree that it was a very satisfying first appearance for Bray Wyatt’s new fucked up Kane-baby character.
He came to the ring to a heavy metal remix of his old walk out tune and a lantern that had been pimped out with the head of one of the members of Korn. Either that or it was a leftover prop from the seminal Paris Hilton horror classic, ‘House of Wax’. The fireflies were back!
And as the in ring action began, so was the Year four gymnastics party trick of doing a bridge. Which, fair play, is actually genuinely impressive once past the age of 11. Finn Balor sold like a champ. The only thing that took me out of the action was the fact that he was wearing all bright white, yet at no point could I see a visible shit stain appear in his tights from when he was shitting himself after coming face to face with a Korn-head carrying nut job in a zombie Gruffalo mask.
As long as there’s someone by the switch for the house lights, Bray’s Fiend gimmick will be great fun, and the look back towards the ring as someone tried playing violin for the first time was a bit of a throwback to the Undertaker. Hopefully that means the actual Undertaker can finally rest in peace (retire) and stop being the WWE’s resident spooky dude for good now.
WINNER - THE FIEND BY OLD FINGER MOUTH
WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - BROCK LESNAR (C) v SETH ROLLINS
By Dom Van Dam
G’day lads and welcome to your main event of this, the 32nd instalment of the Dom Van Dam birthday time classic, Summerslam. The first Summerslam was held on the 29th of August 1988, nine days after my first birthday and every year since then, I have always been reminded that when Summerslam is here, it must be time for cake and candles (or Guinness and Jagers).
To celebrate the end of my 32nd time around the Sun, I have the gift of covering the main event once again this week; the Universal Championship, Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins. Brock Lesnar has become “The Sultan of Summerslam” over the past decade or so. This will be his eighth Summerslam marquee match in a row as he has not missed the “biggest party of The Summer” since 2011.
In that time, of course, there was the famous demolition of John Cena and all those German suplexes. Can Seth Rollins stem that type of performance here in our NWW main event?
The challenger is out first and Seth is moving towards the ring very gingerly; not quite as slowly as last Monday on Raw, but he is clearly still feeling the after effects of the beast attack. Unlike Simon in The Lord of the Flies, however, who discovers that the beasty is all a figment of the characters’ imagination, Rollins opponent tonight is the real deal.
Rollins reveals his heavily taped ribs during the ring introductions and Lesnar is out of the blocks like a shark with blood in the water. This one seems to start like all of Lesnar’s PPV matches (excluding Goldberg) over the past 5 years but Rollins reverses a German suplex and hits a Curb Stomp inside the first minute for the 1-2-No! That has got the crowd going big time, they are riding every second like being on the crest of a wave but Rollins could be caught and dumped in a breaker at any moment.
Suplex City is here, including a German on the floor, and the pace becomes more methodical with “The Current Big Thing” in firm control on offence. Lesnar looks for the F5 in to the ring post and Seth is again able to counter and build a little flurry of momentum. Again Brock is too much of a force though and this is never more evident than when Rollins tries a tope suicida and Lesnar catches him like a child and posts him in the corner.
This looks like the end for The Beast Slayer as the champion is dismantling the Spanish announce table for a taste of chaos. But the former Tyler Black again rallies, culminating in a frog splash off the top of the ring post through Lesnar and the table.
Back inside and Rollins is Rollin’ downhill. Two more Curb Stomps later and we have a brand new, two time Universal Champion. That was a belter of a main event. The best news though, the total run time of the main show was 3 hrs and 27 mins, and we are done. Decent show right?
Drink lots of water; look after your mates
WINNER - YOUR NEW WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION, SETH ROLLINS BY CURB STOMPS
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