Oct 23, 201931 min read

Nerd Watch Wednesday: Wrestlemania X7

Updated: Jun 3, 2020

Despite his protestations that he didn't want to take part in what has become WSBF, God love our dry witted, fun hating mate Shafi - this week it was his turn to pick a show and he has done us a solid.

Widely thought of as the greatest Wrestlemania of all time... here we go with our review! Thanks Shaf, XOXO.

X FACTOR v GRANDMASTER SEXAY & STEVE BLACKMAN

By Shafi

The 1st April 2001. The greatest WWF PPV of all time. In the immediate aftermath of the death of WCW and ECW this was the last hurrah of the most popular period of wrestling in history and they went out on an absolute high.

Before the days of a Wrestlemania pre-show there was the iconic Sunday Night Heat that served much the same function. Like the pre-show it would feature a match to get the crowd excited and entice the viewer to purchase the PPV (or WWE Network). How do you convince more people to buy the biggest PPV of all time? With a tag match that would redefine wrestling and the entertainment industry as a whole, that's how!

If I asked you who on this card had the biggest impact on mainstream media you would probably answer "The Rock" for being the most prolific man in Hollywood. That's a solid answer but it's wrong.I have it on good authority that Simon Cowell watched Wrestlemania 17 and when he saw X-Pac, Albert and Justin Credible's entrance a light bulb went off in his head as he realised how much money he could make by combining three people with awful music and the name X Factor.

Thus this show marked not only the death of the Attitude Era but also the music industry.

We are treated to a prematch vignette explaining why Brian and Steve are teaming. Brian's usual tag team partner is injured and Brian wants to get "funky" with Steve. I think this means he's had Scotty's worm and now he's ready to get Sexay with Blackman's lethal weapon.

The Grandmaster and Blackman enter together, Brian eventually gets Blackman to awkwardly dance with him. Steve was great in an oddball pairing with Al Snow the year before but this falls flat as they lack the chemistry of the ever enduring Head Cheese. With the way Brian talks and acts I can't help but feel he would have been the perfect candidate to play the Eugene character.

X Factor make their industry changing entrance next. X Pac was in both the NWO and DX during the height of the Monday Night Wars. Justin Credible had a solid career in ECW including a (admittedly shit) heavyweight title reign.

It's hard to not think that this was the low point of their wrestling careers in one of the big three companies up until this point. I'm sure that they wanted this teaming due to their real life friendship, however this is the very definition of X Pac heat and there are no redeeming features. Albert had stopped being the hairy guy named after penis mutilation so he probably saw this as an improvement.

The match starts with a brawl before X Pac misses a Bronco Buster that fortunately leaves his rectum intact. Grandmaster hits a bulldog then dances before he is clotheslined by Albert and eats a NASTY spin kick to the kisser. X Pac puts on Sexay's goggles to no reaction. If it is possible to have negative charisma then X Factor are showcasing it here as they look to suck all the joy out of the 65,000 fans in attendance. Justin Credible comes in and creates his own piece of history by making me the first person to ever miss Aldo Montoya.

Blackman tags in and hits a nice flying back elbow before eating a Young Bucks style double superkick and getting pinned by X Pac at round the two minute mark.Hey I never said this match was going to be a classic!

Like in all great sports the losers of the match are mostly forgotten and here it is no different as the winners would surpass them in every possible way. Albert would go on to have a fantastic career in Japan before playing a part in changing the face of North American wrestling for years to come by inspiring the NXT generation as Lord Tensai. And by being head trainer of developmental.

X Pac would rip his arse, make a sex tape and then sort his life out and work in NXT Justin Credible found his jockstrap and returned to Portugal where he fights with jellyfish for the rights to the name Man O' War. Simon Cowell would treat music like Vince treated WCW in the Invasion angle.

WINNERS - X FACTOR VIA CHARISMA VACUUM

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS JERICHO (C) VS WILLIAM REGAL

By Matt Brummitt

The assorted deities of WSBF have blessed us with a buxom harvest this week, as we’re getting everyone & their dog’s favourite Mania, X-7. I’m a particularly lucky farmer, as I’ll be tending the crops from 2 plots tonight; the first one being Jericho (swoon) vs Regal (double swoon).

The story of this match is a tale as old as time: Regal beat Al Snow to become WWF Commissioner; Jericho found Regal annoying; Regal put Jericho in a bunch of handicap matches; Jericho pissed in his tea; and now they must fight for the IC title. Got it? Good.

The only other relevant detail of this programme was Jericho dressing as Doink & attacking Regal, as it predates him using the same tactic in NJPW, and then AEW, in his current guise more than 15 years later. Remember kids, Cosplay Jericho is the most dangerous of all the Jerichos!

Jericho comes out first. Top 5 best entrance music ever. Regal comes out and gives everyone a wave because he was brought up well. Regal wins the prize for first offence at WMX7 with a kick to the gut and a couple of strikes but it’s short lived as Y2J lays him out with a clothesline. It’s a quick pace to start things off with Jericho throwing flying forearms, spinning heel kicks, and a plancha to the outside.

Back in the ring and a spinning back elbow from the top gets Jericho a 2. We then get a bit of back & forth until Regal smashes Jericho shoulder first into the turnbuckle. Regal’s chest is a lovely pink from some earlier Jeri-chops. Regal repeats this act & then waves to the crowd. Such good manners. Regal then does that sick move where he lifts a fella up by his arm and tosses them to the ground. I love that.

No big surprises but the pace has changed now Regal is in charge. He’s working the arm & Heyman is highlighting it well (’01 Heyman & JR is a great combo). Jericho manages to find a window but a Lionsault attempt hits Regal’s upturned knees. Regal goes for a rollup but just gets a 2.

Regal exposes a turnbuckle pad and drives Jericho shoulder first into it, ALL IN FRONT OF TIM WHITE WHO DOES NOTHING WHAT THE FUCK MATE. Regal does the same again. Tim White shouts a bit but doesn’t even try and put the turnbuckle back.

Regal follows up with some nice looking kicks to the chest but Jericho blocks the third & enziguris Regal. A missile dropkick from Y2J earns a 2. Heyman is great here talking about how Jericho no longer has power when grasping his hands on the pin. Regal gets out of the way on a corner spot and starts twatting Jericho in his head. He then sets up a top rope double underhook suplex and hits it! Just a 2 though.

For such talents as we have in the ring, the next move irks me a bit. Regal grabs Jericho from behind for what looks like a back suplex but then just tosses Jericho over his head so Y2J can land on his feet. A reversal should come from an offensive move. Regal should know better. Anyway, Jericho uses this “reversal” to slap on the Walls. Unfortunately his shoulder gives out & Regal reverses it into the Regal Stretch on Y2J’s bad shoulder.

Jericho gets to the rope & gets back up pretty quickly to hit Regal with more chops. Jericho bounces off the ropes but is met with Regal’s boot in his shoulder. He then tries to throw Jericho into the still exposed turnbuckle (do your job, Tim White) but Jericho reverses & then hits a facebuster. Snap suplex followed by a Lionsault gets Jericho the 3!

Summary: That finish came out of nowhere & not in a good way. That was an enjoyable 7 minute match but got cut off a bit early. I know on an 11 match card, you need to keep things tight but a few more minutes would have helped the ending feel less rushed. Still, a good kickoff to the prized peacock of Wrestlemanias.

WINNER: JERICHO BY LIONSAULT

TAZ & APA v RIGHT TO CENSOR

By Rich Fleech

So here we are, sirens start up and here come Rights to Censor out first, Steven Richards, The Goodfather, Val Venis and Bull Buchanan. Richards tries to cut a promo but is quickly cut off by Taz making his entrance. Good lower third advert for WWE the music volume 5, cracking CD. Now here come the APA, Bradshaw and Faarooq accompanied by Jacqueline. Taz means business and goes straight after Val Venis before Jacqueline hits Richards with a DDT, frantic stuff to get this one started. The bell finally rings to signal the beginning and its Faarooq and Buchanan in the ring. Taz tags in quickly but Buchanan gets the upper hand as RTC gang up on Taz in the corner. Venis tags in and works over Taz some more and here comes the Goodfather to keep the beat down going.

No one likes the Goodfather as boo’s ring out around the 65,000 in attendance. Goodfather misses from the second rope and Taz is finally able to escape and tag in Bradshaw. Big boot to Goodfather followed by a big back body drop. Venis comes in and is quickly double teamed by the APA. Everyone brawling now, who knows who are the legal men right now? Huge Suplex to Venis before Buchanan is taken out of the ring. Goodfather (I think he’s still the legal man) comes back in, misses Bradshaw in the corner who quickly delivers a clothesline from hell, 1, 2, 3! This one is over in a flash, much to the crowds delight! Richards does not look happy! A short and sweet frantic match which was mainly brawling around the ring. To quote JR on commentary “it ain’t ballet I tell ya”! Lovely stuff!

WINNERS - TAZ & APA BY SENDING GOODFATHER TO HELL

HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP: RAVEN (C) v KANE v BIG SHOW

By Dom Van Dam

G’day lads and welcome to your Hardcore Championship match here at the show many fans call the best ever. I absolutely loved the Hardcore title as a youngster. Most people look back and remember the 24/7 rules favourably but I always just loved the match stipulations and the perception that anything could potentially happen.

Here we see one of the most memorable Hardcore Champs of all time, as well as one of my own personal favourites, Raven, defending against a couple of monsters. The leader of the flock (best incarnation of the character) is out first with a shopping trolley full of props. He looks like he’s come straight from Bunnings on a hungover Sunday morning. One where you duck down for a couple of cheeky snags off the Barbie but end up with a trolley full of pointless stuff you don’t need. (Editor’s Note: For those of you who aren’t from Australia, you can exchange “Bunnings” for “Ikea” and “Snags” for “Meatballs”.)

The big take away from the early going in this match after not seeing it for a few years is the incredible shape that the 3 of these lads are in. Show and Raven look really trim and sweet enola gay son! Kane is ripped up like a Kleenex at a snot party.

Leading in to this match, Raven consistently managed to escape with the Hardcore Title and I expected him to be somewhat of a coward here, running away from the others but before Big Show can even enter the contest, the master of the Evenflow jumps The Big Red Machine with a weapon.

Almost immediately, all 3 competitors are outside on the floor and are now brawling through the locker room area. This is the archetypal, scripted, backstage brawl with loads of pre-planned spots involving golf buggies, tumbles through walls and even a glass window which Raven flies through.

The brawl carries the competitors back to the arena and on the stage where The Big Show presses Raven above his head. Kane takes advantage of the Big Show being defenceless, mid move and boots him in the face so that the former Giant and the champion crash from the stage, through the set.

The Big Red Flying machine comes off the stage with an elbow and as:

Raven nodded nearly napping,

suddenly there came a tapping

as the referee counts the pinfall

inside the pit upon the floor.

Kane’s eyes have all the seeming

Of a demon’s that is dreaming

And the title off his shoulder

Shall be lifted – nevermore!

This was a pleasant sprint for a Wednesday watch and chances are if you’re reading this, you’ve probably seen this match a fistful of times. But if you’re looking for a really amazing Hardcore Title match, that you may have overlooked, go and have a look at Raven vs Rhyno from Backlash one month later.

Drink lots of water; look after your mates.

WINNER - NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION KANE, BY DIVING LEG DROP OFF THE STAGE

EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: TEST (C) v EDDIE GUERRERO

By Ross Casey

Eddie Guerrero is out first, sporting his glorious wet mop of mulleted hair. Talking of mops, he is with his Radicalz buddy Saturn here, wearing a frankly ludicrous hat that even Dennis Rodman may call garish.

Test on the other hand, arrives on his lonesome (although he is sporting the glorious European Championship) which I hope HBK crowns someone with on NXT UK soon.

The story here is that Eddie has been a jerk to Test and he is looking for his vengeance. I love that Eddie is stood outside on the steps away from Test during his entrance - he wants no part of the angry big man!

Test turns his back on the smirking Guerrero, so the veteran attacks! However Test is wise to these ploys from Eddie and counters the punches aimed his way. Immediately, Test hits a fallaway powerbomb which would end many a bout, but Eddie kicks out and wisely powders out of the ring.

Test chases and when Eddie rolls back in, he boots test and takes control. Bloody love you, Eddie. The improvement doesn't last though as Guerrero gets caught and takes possibly the highest snake eyes I have ever seen, Test literally threw him up from a gorilla press to hit the turnbuckle!

For some reason, Test goes up top and looks about as comfortable as a WWE Diva watching Crown Jewel. Eddie spots this and attempts a hurricanrana, but Test holds on and Guerrero crashes face first to the mat.

Test then shows all the brainpower of a man his size to fall over the ropes and get his ankle stuck, leaving him dangling on the outside for almost a minute as the ref, Eddie and Saturn attempt to free him. Amazing stuff.

This is proof that Ron Killings was wrong - the truth won't set you free, The Radicalz and the ref will. Guerrero then shows suitably more smarts than Test by targeting the leg that has just been twisted.

He was an absolute maestro wasn't he? His facials and demeanour as he does so is absolutely spiteful and the crowd respond in kind by getting behind the dim witted monster. C'mon Test! To be fair to the big man, he plays his part here and sells the leg throughout.

Before long, the shenanigans begin, with Eddie landing a low blow mule kick, before Saturn enters the ring to hit a screwdriver suplex on Test. He kicks out! Eddie goes up top, but gets caught with the big boot and pump handle slam.... surely Test is gonna beat the odds and win it!

Saturn gets up on the apron to distract the ref - so Test clocks the garish hat wearing twat. The extra time has given Eddie the opportunity to gather himself though and he kicks out at two. Saturn is back in the ring, so Test gives him the BIG BOOT, followed by Eddie. Just as he looks certain to retain, Dean Malenko runs up to the apron and breaks the pin.

Whilst the ref is dealing with him, Saturn hands the title to Guerrero who hits test in the face with it and wins said championship. Three of the Radicalz are back together and they celebrate with the gold!

SUMMARY: The crowd were dead for this, but i thought it was a real fun sprint with Eddie playing the devious heel brilliantly and Test playing his part with some big power moves and selling the leg. Really enjoyed it!

WINNER - NEW EUROPEAN CHAMPION, EDDIE GUERRERO BY LIE, CHEAT & STEAL

KURT ANGLE v CHRIS BENOIT

By Simon Mehdi

So, I’ve been gifted with this match up between two of the most technical wrestlers WWE has had to offer. These two in ring rivals were always consistent against each other so I’m glad to be covering this one. Kurt Angle enters down the ramp first armed with a microphone and immediately draws heat by goading the Texas audience.

Angle reminds them that they aren’t kids anymore to be wearing cowboy hats and to be fair he has a point. Benoit arrives to cheers so it’s quite clear who’s favoured here. Just before Chris enters the ring, Paul Heyman tells us that this is the most excited he has been with clothes on. Hmm not too sure about that one Paul but whatever floats your boat lad.

The match kicks off with both wrestlers trying to out manoeuvre each other on the mat with Angle getting the upper hand. The mat wrestling continues until Benoit attempts to transition into the Crossface but Angle wisely breaks the attempt by grabbing the bottom rope. Both wrestlers yet again get down and dirty on the mat and for the second time Benoit attempts his Crippler Crossface but just like his first attempt, Angle finds a way to break it.

Angle now leaves the ring to gather his thoughts as twice now he’s has been outwrestled by Benoit. He returns with a take down but some how Benoit gets the crossface locked on again, but for the third time in quick succession, Angle reaches for the ropes. Now Benoit is feeling a little frustrated and argues with the ref so Angle uses that distraction to blindside him with a punch which sends him out of the ring.

Angle has the upper hand outside the ring as he punishes Benoit with a number of strikes and launches him to the steel steps. The action now returns to the ring and we see the first suplex of the match but it just gets a rather fast two count from the referee. The floodgates are now open as Angle delivers another suplex but again Benoit isn’t planing to lose this match that easily. A short lived Benoit fightback is countered by a belly to belly suplex by Angle who is now in the drivers seat turns his attention to the crowd with a taunt.

The physicality & intensity of the match turns up a notch as both wrestlers exchange blows on the turnbuckle before Benoit gets the upper hand and hits a high risk superplex for a two count. It’s now Angle’s turn to visit suplex city and after being the recipient of two, the Olympic gold medalist blocks the third attempt and goes for the Ankle Lock to which Benoit frantically rushes to the ropes and excellently counters with his own Ankle Lock.

Angle manages to kick him off but then finds himself caught in the Crippler Crossface, before taking a leaf out of Benoit’s book by countering it into his own. The crowd are absolutely loving the velocity of these moves! Paul Heyman hits the nail on the head with his praises when he says that he’s never seen a greater display of hold and counter holds that he has this match.

Now the Referee decides it’s the perfect time to take a bump, so Benoit applies the Crossface and guess what... Angle taps (shock!!) Benoit turns around and realises that the referee is down so he decides to channel his inner Matt Connolly by yelling over “what’s the matter with you!!” to the stricken referee. Kurt Angle seizes this opportunity by hitting Benoit with the Angle Slam and now the referee is conveniently awake! Angle only gets the two count so he decides he’s had enough goes for the top rope to attempt his trademark moonsault...

But Benoit has other ideas as he counters with his knees up which gives him the opportunity to deliver a high risk move of his own. The diving headbutt! He executes it perfectly however Kurt Angle manages to kick out of the pin. Benoit grabs Angle behind to a waist lock, but to no avail as Angle hits him with a low blow that the referee doesn’t spot and rolls him up with a generous grab of the tights (that the referee also doesn’t see) to steal the win.

BENOIT WAS ROBBED! This match was much better than I remember. A fine display of in ring wrestling between these two fine wrestlers. The constant back and forth between Angle and Benoit tells us they were evenly matched and Angle resorting to cheating to win worked well for both as Benoit still looked strong at the end.

WINNER - KURT ANGLE BY GRAB OF THE TIGHTS

WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP: IVORY (C) v CHYNA

By Matt Brummitt

For my second shift of the night, I have the worst match of this prestigious card, Ivory vs Chyna. Despite being probably the most iconic female wrestler ever, Chyna’s feuds with other women were always pretty lacklustre. This one was based on Val Venis (as part of Right To Censor) breaking Chyna’s neck at Ivory’s behest. However, RTC are banned from ringside tonight.

Ivory enters first to the infamous Right To Censor music. She does a good job of looking anxious before the match. Then Chyna comes out to a Top 5 guilty pleasure theme and we get the rocket launcher pyro which is always fun. This is the era of Chyna where she wears bright attire & skips down to the ring which takes the edge off her intimidation levels.

Ivory cradles her title &, when Chyna pushes the ref out of the way to get to her, hits Chyna with said title. Ivory stomps on Chyna’s “broken” neck, and then follows up with some sick Mark Coleman level Ground-And-Pound. The crowd do not like Ivory. Ivory gets Chyna in the corner but Chyna grabs her leg and swings her to the mat.

Chyna hits some forearms and kicks in the corner. She follows up with an abominable hip toss. We then get 2 clotheslines (or Chyna-lines as JR dubs them before backtracking) & a back body drop. Powerbomb from Chyna. 1.. 2.. NO. Chyna is not done & hits Ivory with a Gorilla Press Drop for the 3.

Summary: Unless you’re still angry about Right To Censor 18 years on & want to see their leader get her comeuppance, you can skip this. This ended up being Chyna’s penultimate PPV match with the WWF. She had a brief Japan run shortly afterwards & turned up a decade later in Impact! when they were in their peak clusterfuck period, but a concise historian may wish to use tonight as her swansong.

As swansongs go, it was short, aurally abusive, and forgettable; but it’s a forgettability we must cherish, as it frees our memories for her Mamacita-ing with Eddie; breaking Jarrett’s balls; & making DX the coolest thing on the planet.

WINNER: CHYNA WINS THE WOMEN’S TITLE BY SQUASH

VINCE MCMAHON v SHANE MCMAHON

By Matt Connolly

So for this week's viewing I have been given the absolute pleasure of watching Shane McMahon fight his father Vince McMahon, or as the Dailymotion video I am watching this on calls him, Mr Machon. A famous feud and match that if you are reading this you probably know all about but I will work with the presumption that you don't.

So Vince McMahon tells his wIfe Linda that he want's a divorce. There is a younger model in town called Trish Stratus and she has a couple of things that have peaked Vince's interest. This leads Linda to fall into a vegetative state with the aid of Vince pumping medication into her. Trish has barked like a dog to prove her worth to Vince and also because sex sells. Shane calls bullshit on all of this and comes to Raw and batters his dad. He also decides the only way to settle this family division is to have a street fight with his Dad at Wrestlemania. Fair.

Vince agrees and during the build to this match utters "I will never forgive your Mother for giving birth to you!". Harsh. One more plot wrinkle. As Vince is about to purchase his top competition in the form of WCW, Shane turns up on an episode of Nitro and declares he has infact swooped in on deadline day to hijack the deal. Unbelievable scenes! Extra motivation indeed.

Shane out first, pre Here Comes The Money. That's a shame. Crowd is hot already. Shane gives a shout out to his WCW boys up in the rafters before introducing the special guest ref for this one. It's Mick Foley! As long as it isn't Hebner I'm fine with this. I think the reason he is bought out before Vince is because Vince and Shane are using the same music. Breaks it up a bit. Anyway Vince is with his Daughter Steph who has chosen her Father in this feud because Money. Or something I don't know, it's another fun element to play with though.

Match starts with Vince choking Shane in the corner. It feels really vicious and not just because it is a Father stopping his Sons from breathing, but because Vince is going more Red than Shane whilst applying it! The two brawl around in the early stages and it isn't pretty but feels intense. This ends briefly when Steph throws herself on top of her Dad to a chorus of boos. Getting that heat on her Dad. Also nailing Shane with her trademark slap. Shane hammers Vince with a sign he has found whilst JR does an expert job filling in all the backstory I told you about earlier.

Obviously he is a master of his craft so just ramps up the tension here. Stairs and a kendo stick are used by Shane to inflict suffering on his father with Mr McMahon selling the shots as good as any. Also, when Shane decides to use fists they are just as terrible as today's effort. I love them. Shane lays Vince out on the Spanish Announce table so those of you playing Attitude Era bingo can cross that box off.

Shane goes top rope and flings himself through the announce table so those of you playing Shane McMahon bingo can cross that box off. Huge assist to Steph here who practically drags her Dad up to avoid his elbow. With Shane down it's time for Trish to bring Linda out to the ring so she can witness her Son in peril. Trish shows concern for Vince and then slaps him!

Crowd goes bananas and this then leads to a Steph /Trish brawl. Foley tries to break it up. Steph slaps him. Foley gives her the "You what mate?" look and she flees, followed by Trish. That's those two out the way. Foley threatening to beat a Woman gets a huge pop. The Attitude Era!!!

Vince gives Linda a look and stomps towards her. Foley gets in the middle. He won't let Linda take a beating because he respects Women. Except Steph who he just chased off. Vince says to hell with this ref and batters him with chair shots, one which screams Concussion. Vince being evil decides to drag Linda's lifeless body into the ring and make her watch the demise of her Son.

He sets her up in the corner with a steel chair for a seat whilst making sure to put the beating on Shane with Trash Cans. He goes to nail Shane with one more shot to the head and if you are a wrestling fan you know what happens next. With Vince focused on Shane, Linda rises from her chair to a Monster pop. Camera bulbs are going off and people are screaming at the events they are seeing. Shane feebly tells Vince to turn around and Linda delivers a Massive punt to the Grapefruits of Vince. SCENES!!!

Foley returns to put a beating on Vince and set him up for Shane to end this. Lousy from an official but this match is way beyond that. He places the Trash Can over Vince's face and Shane hits his Coast to Coast for victory. Pure Jerry Springer shenanigans but I love every minute and I defy wrestling fans to not agree. Is this the greatest match involving two non wrestlers? If there is a better one let me know.

WINNER - SHANE MCMAHON BY GARBAGE CAN COAST TO COAST

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: DUDLEY BOYZ (C) v HARDY BOYZ v EDGE & CHRISTIAN

By Daniel Wildash

This match needs little introduction. In my opinion the greatest TLC match in existence. I've rewatched this match countless times and I'm excited to watch it again. This is the second ever TLC match and also the second one between these 3 teams The first was at Summerslam in 2000 which Edge and Christian won. This 3 way feud ends at X7 in a repeat of that.

Bell rings and it kicks off straight away. As tag team matches go, this starts fluidly and quickly. Tag team moves flying everywhere. Doesn't take long for the ladder to be introduced as Edge and Christian smash into both The Hardyz and The Dudleys. Matt gets hung up on the turnbuckle and gets his nads squashed by Edge and Christian. Jeff runs in but take a chair to the face.

Dudleys drag Christian to the outside as Edge goes for the titles. No chance as Matt goes for them himself but Edge clotheslines him off the ladder. We're just getting started Both ladder are set up near the turnbuckles now as a big tag team move from The Hardyz takes out Christian. Dudleys back in and Edge is in big trouble. Whassup hits and Edge is in unsurprising agony. "GET THE TABLES" rings round the Astrodome in Houston as the Dudleys go about setting them up.

Bubba slams Jeff through Edge set up on a table. The Dudleys want more tables and they have got tons here as Paul Heyman makes very clear. 3 ladders set up in the centre of the ring which Jim Ross states. All 6 men climb and start unloading on each other and all 6 men promptly go down. Spike Dudley runs to the ring and hits 2 Dudley Dogs. One onto Edge off the ladder and the second on Christian through a table. Madness.

The LSD shortly wears off as Rhyno now comes into the ring and does what Rhyno does best. Big gores for everyone. In this case, good things come in 3s as Lita runs out now. Rhyno goes to chuck her outside, gets low blowed by Spike and Lita hits a nice hurricanrana on him for good measure. Rhyno taken out by the Dudleys as Lita smacks Spike over the head with a chair, proceeds to take her top off and gets 3D'd by the Dudleys. Mad few minutes!

Jeff on the top of the ladder and big Swanton Bomb through the table, Spike and Rhyno to take them out. 4 ladders set up in the ring now. Jeff is now gunning for those titles but he falls off the ladder, no sells the fall and gets right back up again. He's hanging on for dear life and SPEAR FROM THE LADDER ONTO THE FLOOR OH MY GOD! Absolutely ridiculous from Edge as both men are out of it.

Matt and Bubba go up now but Rhyno from out of nowhere pushes them off and they fall through a big set of tables. Fuck me. Christian is on Rhyno's shoulders and they've done it again. Edge and Christian are your winners. What a match. This honestly never gets old no matter how many times I watch it. Tag team wrestling at its fluid and best. Big spots everywhere from start to finish. Just simply fantastic.

WINNERS - NEW TAG CHAMPS EDGE & CHRISTIAN BY HOLY SHIT WHAT A MATCH

GIMMICK BATTLE ROYAL

By Nineties Mike

I’m pulling Double-Duty this week (no, they’re not a tag team you’ve never heard of), and fortunately my matches are one after the other, so I’ll do them both in one go if that’s ok with you guys? Yeah? Sweet.

I’ll begin with Howard "The Fink" Finkel in the ring announcing a record-breaking attendance of 67,925 and JR and Heyman are clearly very impressed. They continue their bickering with JR disappointed Paul E isn’t in the Gimmick Battle Royal as he’d love to see him in tights, and gets shit back about his cowboy hat, only for JR to get the last word by disparaging the famous Heyman pony tail! ZING!

Out first on commentary for this momentous event is “Mean” Gene Okerlund, swiftly followed by Bobby “The Brain”! Both get big crowd reactions, and Heyman is quick to call Heenan “the best manager of all time…besides me”, which obviously gets short shrift from JR.

Here come the combatants to very mixed reactions: The Bushwhackers (Luke gives Gene a lick pre-match), Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, The Iron Sheik (Heenan’s pick), Earthquake, The Goon, Doink, Kamala with Harvey Whipleman and Kimchee, Repo Man (with the most 80s WWF music ever), James E. Cornette (Heenan: “E for Extra Effort”), Nikolai Volkoff (Heenan: “Would have been Russia’s first cosmonaut, but he was afraid of flying”),

Freebird Michael PS Hayes (Heenan: “Taught Michael Jackson the moonwalk”), One Man Gang, The Gobbledy-Gooker (Heenan: “Didn’t you used to date her?”), Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim (Mean Gene’s pick), Brother Love and Sgt Slaughter. And we’re off…

Repo Man is gone after about two seconds, Tugboat gently rolls out the Gobbledy-Gooker before Earthquake unceremoniously dumps him out! He is absolutely launched by Kamala who is then attacked by Kimchee! What is he doing?! Kamala swiftly dumps him, before Luke Bushwhacker and Cornette are eliminated in succession.

The Dumpster is clotheslined out by Doink, Hayes bangs Brother Love and The Goon’s heads together, then The Goon is out, immediately followed by Volkoff and Bushwhacker Butch. Kamala cleans out Doink, One Man Gang dispatches Hayes, before he is eliminated by Kamala, who is dumped by Slaughter.

The Final Four are Slaughter, Hillbilly Jim, Iron Sheik and Brother Love. While Slaughter is eliminating Brother Love, Hillbilly Jim capitalises and throws them both out, but Sheik has the same idea and dumps the big man. Iron Sheik wins and Heyman lets us all know his pick has won it.

Slaughter is in now and he trades blows with our Persian winner, before slapping the cobra clutch on and Sheiky Baby is down and out. The crowd cheer like the American assholes they are. Sore loser Sarge stands tall. Boooooo. Heenan teases Gene with the handshake and they are out of here. What a pair on commentary!

That was great, a quick no-nonsense battle royal fare. Only complaint is sulky Slaughter at the end. No wonder Sheik is so bitter these days!

WINNER - THE IRON SHEIK BY NOT BEING FIT ENOUGH TO BE THROWN OVER THE TOP ROPE

THE UNDERTAKER v TRIPLE H

By Nineties Mike

Straight from that into a banging video package explaining what’s been going down to lead to The Undertaker vs Paul “Hunter Hearst Helmsley” “Triple H” “HHH” “The Game” “King of Kings” Levesque… heading into the event The Undertaker and Kane were feuding with Triple H and The Big Show. Triple H bested “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in a Three Stages of Hell match at No Way Out, and felt that he deserved to be in the main event at WrestleMania as he had defeated “everyone in the WWF”.

The Undertaker reminded Triple H that he had never beaten him. Before tonight, the two had never faced each other in a one-on-one match on a pay-per-view. During Taker’s entrance for a Hardcore Championship match against The Big Show, he was ambushed by Triple H. Kane ran in and saved his brother, but was met with his own ambush by The Big Show. The following week on SmackDown, Undertaker tried to break into the limousine of Triple H, but ended up being arrested (I assume Shafi approves of this).

Kane requested a match against Triple H that night but lost when The Big Show interfered. Kane then got involved in The Big Show's Hardcore Championship match against Raven on Raw, and Raven pinned The Big Show to become Hardcore Champion. Undertaker's arrest led to a restraining order from Stephanie. The Brothers of Destruction interfered in Triple H's match against Test, with Kane running after Stephanie and literally holding her up at ransom by Kane on a balcony in the arena.

WWF commissioner William Regal eventually gave in and confirmed Undertaker and Kane matches at WrestleMania against Triple H and The Big Show respectively. Also, for some reason, along the way Triple H kept attacking The Undertaker’s bike, which was tantamount to a slap in Taker’s face.

I forgot!!!!!!!! Trips is played out to the ring by the mighty Motorhead! “We are Motorhead and we are going to kick your ass”. Huge ovation for Triple H despite him being the bad guy in this situation. Trips show some respect to Lemmy by doing his first water spit pose facing the band before stomping down to the ring for his second H2O spray sesh. As is now tradition for Mania,

HHH looks HUGE. “Come on Triple H, it’s time to play the game” says Lemmy. Undertaker now out on his hog to the dulcet tones of Limp Bizkit’s Rollin’ and a huge pop from the masses.

The Deadman has one last rev, parks up, he means business, going straight for HHH. Huge punches by both, before a Taker punch sends HHH into the Spanish Announce Table that doesn’t break. Into the ring and more huge punches from both. Reversed Irish Whip into a high knee from HHH but Taker just gets straight back up and throws him into the corner. He unloads on HHH, and the ref attempts to break the it up with the 5-count but Taker goes for the official!

A biiiig backdrop by Taker and HHH is reeling. No respite with three big clotheslines and a an even bigger power slam. HHH avoids the elbow drop and it seems the momentum shifts again, but Taker regains control and wrist control before attempting Old School, only for HHH to pull him down to the mat heavily. Neck-breaker gets a 2-count before rabbit punches to the head and elbows to Taker hanging through the ropes. A second neck-breaker gets three 2-counts.

HHH pushes the ref accusing him of not counting properly and gets a shove back from Chioda! Triple H backs Chioda into the corner and Undertaker capitalises with punches to the stomach and an uppercut. Face-buster from Trips slows the Deadman’s recovery, before taking to the outside, throwing the timekeeper aside and grabbing his trusty sledgehammer.

Chioda attempts to grab it, but HHH pushes him aside. The determined ref grabs it before he can bring it crashing down over Taker’s skull. Triple H goes for The Pedigree, Taker reverses it and slingshots HHH into the referee, knocking him silly. Chokeslam hits, but Chioda only counts two, so Undie hits him with a kick and an elbow drop. DQ surely?!?!? Punches from Taker and he throws Trips to the outside and throws him into the crowd…

They trade blows through the fans and work their way to the technical area, and Triple H climbs to try to escape the Deadman’s offence to no avail. Would love to know how many punches have been thrown in this match. Onto the third level, and Triple H has a couple of chairs for help and hits Taker with one square on the noggin. Ouch. The crowd felt that too. Triple H continues battering him with the chair though, even seeming to be spanking him at one point?!?

He raises the chair and the fans scream for more!!! He goes for one chair shot too many though, and is choke-slammed into oblivion off of the TV tower. We now have our first lull as both men are recovering. An EMT is looking at HHH, but Taker gives no fucks and hits him from the TV tower with a flying elbow drop. Taker then attacks the EMTs and hits more punches to the head of HHH.

The Deadman drags HHH back to the ring with a few punches along the way for good measure. JR tells us the ref hasn’t moved since being assaulted by Taker. Taker looks at HHH, then Chioda, and his eyes are drawn to the sledgehammer. HHH begs off, but Taker raises the weapon anyway before a vintage low blow stops him in his tracks.

The Game goes for a sledgehammer strike, but a big boot from Undertaker stops him in his tracks. More huge punches from both of these big men. Low kick from HHH gives him the momentum, he looks like he’s going for a tombstone, but a great reversal from Taker sees him off. Tombstone from Taker but Chioda is still napping. Taker looks at him and tries to shake him from his slumber to no avail.

He goes for a power bomb, but HHH grabs the sledgehammer on the way up! Big blow to the head and Taker drops him and crumples to the floor. Chioda stirs, HHH sees this and gets rid of the evidence before covering Taker. Is The Streak over? Is it fuck! 2-count and HHH loses his rag.

Taker is busted open and HHH is focussing his punches on the wound over and over, even on the top rope, but out of nowhere Taker grabs Triple H and sends him for The Last Ride, and that is all she wrote.

The Streak is now 9-0!! Suck it, HHH! In contrast with their later matches, that was almost the perfect length. Not a mat classic, but a vintage slobber-knocker. Also, no interference, just two big, bad dudes fucking each other up with very little slack in the middle apart from the TV Tower stuff. Peak Attitude Era battle.

WINNER - THE UNDERTAKER BY LAST RIDE

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: THE ROCK v STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN

By JCH

‘Both men need to win and neither man can afford to lose” says Heyman. We start things off with THE video package. The strains of My Way hit and I think I know this off by heart. This package is so good. Me and my best friend rein-acted the bit with the beers and the punches at the ‘last day of high school, get drunk on Topsham rec’ Then he got too drunk and was sick on my sisters boyfriends mums car. Great times tho.

‘No Disqualification, when was that added’ says JR The place comes unglued for Austin. Few boa for the Rock, Austin definitely the crowd favourite. Austin attacks the Rock before the introductions. Foreshadowing as DVD would say. He misses an early belt shot, but his Lou Thez press. Rock with a swinging neck breaker and they’re looking for finishers inside 2 minutes.

It is an electric start and the crowd is eating everything up. Hebner is trying to enforce the rules. There are no rules you incompetent twat. Usually you ignore everything you goober. We have a period of crowd brawling and fighting by the announce table. Superplex from Austin, who removes the turnbuckle. Heyman ‘I can’t believe how badly Austin wants the title’……more foreshadowing.

Heavy Boos as the Rock punches Austin. Something amazing happens. Rock is staring down Hebner, walking him down and Hebner falls over the steps. As if someone has crouched down behind him. Hahahaha. Then Rock looks like he walks into the steps as well and hurts his leg. He then turns around straight into a bell shot and is now bleeding. Maybe he was blading??? The Rock is on the table and it collapses.

Probably stole a spot there. Remember that match when Rock took the camera and turns round into a stunner on the announce table. Bloody love that. Austin punches the Rock 24 times, pauses to double flip off Hebner, then goes back to punching him in the face some more. A rare move with a neck breaker from Austin, then more punches and now stomps in the corner.

I think we’re on 1 Lou Thesz, 2 neck breakers, a Superplex and 2 clotheslines, make that 3 as Rock explodes out of the corner. The fans hate him. Now Rock with…..punches. Austin thrown into the exposed turnbuckle. I think this is when Austin blades. Yep. Streaming claret and a ring bell shot from the Rock. I always forget how much the crowd loved Austin and hated Rock.

Rock with more punches. Stone Cold fights back with punches. Austin catapults Rock into the ring post. A rare move. Monitor shot from Austin. This is just 2 blokes twitting each other in the face with things. Sadly none of those things are knees. Austin flips off Rock and goes for a stunner, which is countered with……a punch. But that is followed by the Sharpshooter. Rock breaks the hold when Austin eventually makes the ropes. Hang on its’s a no-DQ match. Why does he have to let go? Hebner you cretin. Rock you muppet.

Heyman is winding JR up by saying he’s biased for Stone Cold. I hated JR for the same reasons, so I love this. Austin has a sharpshooter on now. Rock kicks him off. Technical Classic. Austin changes up his attack and goes with his second favorite move. Stomps. Another sharpshooter. Rock gets to the ropes and Austin just gives Hebner the finger instead of releasing it. Sensible there. Austin locks in the Million Dollar Dream. We get the dreaded 3 arm spot…………Rock survives at 3 and Austin’s face is incredible. The man is covered in blood and has an amazing look of shock.

Austin back on the punches. Rock counters with a STUNNER. Takes a while to make the cover and Austin kicks out to a thunderous reaction. BOOOOOS rain down as Vinny Mac turns up. Huge Asshole chant. His shirt is Fucking terrible. Rock with punches. Austin counters with a spine buster. Now Rock with a spine buster. He’s going for the people’s elbow not looking at the hard cam!!!! What. Back down to NXT for you Johnson. God Dammit. Vince is so furious with the Rock not facing the hard cam for the People’s elbow that he breaks up the pin fall.

Rock chases McMahon through the ring and then gets welcomed back by an Austin Rock Bottom. Only 2! HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Hebner with a pathetic ref bump as Rock fights out of the stunner. Why bother with a ref bump? It’s no DQ. This match has some issues. Low blow from Austin. Austin tells Vince to get a chair. He holds him up for Vince who clocks him in the head with a chair. Rock kicks out late and the fans are starting to react for The Rock a bit.

Rock Bottom on Austin. Vinny Mac distracts Hebner. Rock attacks McMahon with….punches, but turns round into a Stunner. 1-2- NOOOO. The crowd are just going mental. I don’t think they even know what to cheer for. Just everything. Huge chair shot to the head and Rock kicks out again. Austin is furious. The crowd are making noises. Austin flips off Hebner again. I think Austin has flipped off Hebner more times than the number of moves he has done in this match.

Austin hits the Rock about 17 times with the chair and pins him to win the title. He shakes hands with Vince. They celebrate with beers and middle fingers. JR and Heyman are fantastic in this throughout, especially the end. Despite the fact it has approximately 11 moves plus 1000 punches it’s still a good watch.

The match just feels high stakes, the two huge stars, the crowd and the commentary all contribute to it. Would have loved to have been there for it. Rock gets up - so Austin clocks him with the belt. Poor bastard.

WINNER - NEW WWF CHAMPION, STONE COLD BY WHY AUSTIN, WHY????