We have come full circle with our Nerd watches. Matt Connolly was the first to pick a show (Summerslam 1992) and we have done so many that we now come back around to him.
After flirting with some Smoky Mouuntain Wrestling, he eventually plumped for the PPV leading to Wrestlemania 2000, No Way Out. The match card is absolutely full of huge names and features a main event that is emotional and memorable.
Hyped for this one - let's get to it!
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: CHRIS JERICHO (C) W/ CHYNA VS KURT ANGLE
By Matt Brummitt
I get the honour of opening this week’s Nerd Watch with a banging choice by Matt C: No Way Out 2000. Not only that, but I get to review an encounter by two of the Attitude Era’s favourite grapmasters, Jericho & Angle.
Kurt Angle was a fledgling in the game at this point, having only debuted a few months before. He’d just won the European title from Val Venis and now has his sights set on the IC gold. This is in the middle of Angle’s “Where are your gold medals?” heel run which was well executed considering how green he was.
Jericho has just come out of the Chyna feud and has started his first WWF/E face run as part of a joint champion storyline with the aforementioned ninth wonder of the world. This was a pairing that had a lot of potential but never really clicked, if memory serves.
Angle is out first & cuts a “local sports team” promo & promises to become the “Euro-continental champion”. Delivered well. Chyna then gets her own entrance for some reason. If that reason is because of her sick rocket launcher pyro, I’ll allow it. Talking about sick entrances, here comes Jericho. Jericho’s half top knot is a bit low for me here but still works. I guess they thought the higher-up-the-head version was a bit too heelish. The monsters.
In other entrance news, Jericho’s name box lists him as WWF Intercontinental “Champ” rather than “Champion”. I know the Attitude Era is supposed to be cool & edgy but this is a step too far. It’s Jericho’s turn for a quick pre-match promo. Calls Angle “Kirk Angel” & reworks the 3 Is catchphrase to list Angle as an “idiot, imbecile, & ignoramus”. My “Champ Name Box” rage has been mildly diluted because Y2J used the British pronunciation of “ignoramus”.
Jericho then drops one of his now mostly forgotten catchphrases; referring to himself as “the Bad Mamma Jamma”. It’s no “Little Bit of the Bubbly” but still nice to hear again. “Y2J” chant from the crowd. Tim White is our referee tonight. JR & Lawler on commentary. Here we go…
First minute is mostly rope running spots with some slaps & chops thrown in for good measure. Angle hits Jericho with a drop toehold to the bottom rope. He then charges at Jericho but gets tossed over the top rope to the outside. He climbs back on the apron but Jericho hits him with a springboard dropkick.
A missed baseball slide by Jericho leads to some brawling on the outside with Angle getting the best of it. Jericho manages to reverse Irish whip Angle into the ring post but his follow up is a missed clothesline to the same object. Angle is not experienced enough to know that Irish whips on the outside never work so tries another & this time Jericho Asai moonsaults off the steps onto Angle.
After some roughhousing from Y2J, he sends Angle back into the ring and climbs the turnbuckle. Angle runs the rope to dislodge Jericho and then hits an overhead belly-to-belly from the second turnbuckle. That’s worth a 2 count. Suplex from Angle but only for a 1 count. “Angle sucks” chants.
Jericho turns things around with a double underhook backbreaker but Angle retorts with a German. Angle taunts & goes for a pinfall but it’s only a 2. Come on mate, don’t taunt before a pinfall. Angle opts for a modified chicken wing as his resthold. Certainly beats a chinlock. Jericho breaks out but runs into an armbreaker. I should note that Angle has been sporadically working the elbow.
Angle is on top for a minute until Jericho hits him with a spinning heel kick. Crowd pops. Facebuster. Flying forearm. Gets a 2. Jericho then counters an Angle rana into a dead lift powerbomb. Jericho selling the elbow though so can’t make the cover straight away. When he eventually does, he goes for a stack pin which Angle reverses into an armbar. Jericho manages to get to the ropes though.
Jericho gets back on top and whips Angle sternum first into the corner. He goes for a clothesline but Angle ducks it and hits an Olympic Slam! Angle does a taunt and then goes for the pin. 2 count. What did I just tell him about taunting before pinfalls?
Angle despondent after not getting the 3 and heads to the outside. He grabs the IC title and brings it into the ring. Whilst Tim White is trying to prise the belt from Angle, Jericho sneaks in a Walls of Jericho on Angle. Angle manages to drag himself to the ropes.
Lads are back to the outside. Y2J starts on top but Angle gets an eye rake in. He now picks up the European belt. He tries to twonk Chyna with it but she ducks & Jericho charges Angle from behind, accidentally driving his new bezzie Chyna into the steps. Whilst Tim White is checking on her, Jericho suplexes Angle from the apron back into the ring.
This sets things up perfectly for the Lionsault but as Jericho lands it, Angle raises the IC belt which was never removed from the ring (come on Tim!). Angle goes for the pinfall. Tim White gets back into the ring. 1, 2, 3 & Kurt Angle is now Kurty 2 Belts!
Earl Hebner comes out but there’s no Dusty stuff here, just arguing between him, Chyna, & White. Angle celebrates on the ramp with both his European & IC belts.
Summary: Fun little match! It wouldn’t enter either man’s pantheon but a nice way to spend 10 minutes. Especially impressive considering Angle was only 3 months into his TV career.
WINNER: KURT ANGLE BY HOLDING UP A METAL STRAP AS A MAN FELL ON HIM
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: NEW AGE OUTLAWS (C) v THE DUDLEY BOYZ
By Rich Leech
Outlaws the current champs out first, as over as ever. Now here come the Dudley’s, not as over. All 4 men brawl in the ring as the bell kicks things off. Road Dogg and Bubba finally get things going. Bubba hitting the offence early, a full Nelson into an Atomic Drop.
The ref's back is turned as he is stopping Billy Gunn getting into the ring. This gives D-Von the chance to hit the flying head butt into Road Dogg’s groin. Interesting choice of move… D-Von goes for the cover but just a 2 count.
Dudleys stay on top and prevent Road Dogg getting anywhere close to Billy Gunn for the tag. Lots of double teams from D-Von and Buh Buh, Road Dogg is in all sorts of trouble. Sunset flip from Road Dogg gets him back into it but he is quickly dropped by a clothesline from D-Von. The crowd do not like the Dudleys, neither does JR.
Buh Buh back in to continue working over Road Dogg. King just talking about the imminent return of Terri, not sure he’s aware there’s a match going on. More tags from the Dudleys and more working over of Road Dogg. Billy Gunn hasn’t been in this one yet.
Road Dogg hits a low blow behind the ref’s back before a Suplex off the second rope. Classic Attitude era when the low blow is a baby face move. Now here comes the hot tag and Billy finally enters the match up.
Clotheslines galore from Billy Gunn. Buh Buh just breaks up the cover on D-Von. Road Dogg tags in and while the ref is counting another near fall on D-Von, Buh Buh smashes Billy Gunn with a lead pipe on the outside!
The ref get’s “accidentally” knocked down and the Dudleys hit the 3D out of nowhere. D-Von has Road Dogg covered, and here comes the ref back from the dead. 1, 2, 3!
We have new champions. Short but sweet this one. JR is not happy, but when is JR ever happy?Road Dogg and Billy Gunn arguing in the ring as this one closes out. Lovely stuff.
WINNERS - AND NEW TAG CHAMPIONS, THE DUDLEYS BY BUH BUH, OUTSIDE THE RING WITH THE LEAD PIPE
MARK HENRY (WITH MAE YOUNG) v VISCERA
By Muhammad Shafi
When we are talking of the biggest rivalries of all time then many memories flash to the surface of our consciousness. NWO/Sting, Austin/ McMahon, Flair/Steamboat... We could talk about all of these for hours and reminisce about how heated and competitive they were. We would be overcome with the most powerful drug of all as nostalgia fills us with a warm and fuzzy feeling.
One feud that may not enter our consciousness is perhaps the most personal of all. A feud that encapsulated the themes of forbidden love, medical miracles and challenging societal norms in a way that is very 2019. That feud pitted 'Sexual Chocolate' Mark Henry against 'post rapper, pre pervert' Viscera.
Mr Henry suffered from a terrible sex addiction that no amount of counselling could cure. He tried a night in Chyna but his demons still controlled him. It was only when he met 77 year old Mae Young that he finally met his match. Society looked down on their relationship due to the considerable age gap and the fact that they were both from two very different worlds.
This didn't bother Mark as he and his dark passenger knew something that no one else could understand; there is no substitute for experience. Mae rode him until his grapefruits became raisins and he could take no more.
In time their considerable chemistry became so strong that they defied all the medical experts and biology itself as Mark knocked the dust off Mae's ovaries and they became pregnant. Mark had always wanted to be a dad and Mae had a hand in making it happen. He was prouder than when he had become the world's strongest man and all was right in the world.
Some people create joy and some people destroy it. A year prior Mabel was competing in the Royal Rumble match when he was kidnapped by the Ministry and taken to a sex dungeon. He was tortured in a way that perhaps mirrored what was happening in Mae and Mark's bedroom minus the consent. When his ordeal was over he had been brainwashed and joined the Ministry as one of the Undertaker's followers.
The glint from his eye was gone and what was left was a lifeless stare and a black hole of happiness. Now calling himself Viscera he set out to steal the joy from peoples' lives the way it had been stolen from his.
On the Raw preceding this show Viscera hit Mae Young with a big splash which put both mother and baby in danger. This caused Henry to confront his biggest fear, losing the two people that meant the most to him in the world. He became enraged and his happy go lucky demeanour disappeared. He was intent on revenge.
Whilst entering the building the PPV was being held in during Sunday Night Heat, Viscera and Henry would spot each other and have a pull apart brawl that was surely a mere warm up for the incredibly tense, long drawn out battle that they would have later in the night.
Henry makes his entrance first and looks very serious. To reinforce this change in attitude he is wearing a singlet with the word "CHOCOLATE" on it and his theme music is screaming "IT'S SEXUAL BABY". As war cries go that might be the most intimidating I've ever heard. Lawler states that the baby is still hanging on in an excellent example of foreshadowing.
Viscera walks out in a long leather gimp coat covered in studs with a giant 'V' on the back, he has clearly been affected by his time in Mr Gray's playroom. He steps through the ropes and Henry attacks him straight away. They square off and trade strikes and whilst no one has ever cited either man as an inspiration I think this is the genesis for the style that NJPW would become famous for. JR says on commentary that this match won't get many stars but I can see glimpses of Omega vs Okada.
The two men trade shoulder blocks before Big V hits a great rolling spin kick that takes Mark down to the mat. Viscera then hits a stiff kick to a grounded Henry which makes him roll away, as he's rolling Vis tries a standing axe handle but is so slow bending over he misses him completely. JR says that the World's Strongest Man has the World's Strongest Sperm. I pray Henry does not set out to prove it in this match and wonder if that is why Viscera is wearing attire that can so easily be wiped clean.
Henry gets whipped into the ropes and put down with the laziest lariat you will ever see, Viscera follows this up with a second clothesline that sends the proud daddy over the top rope. On the outside Viscera whips Henry into the steel steps and he absolutely DESTROYS them in impressive fashion.
Viscera then props the steps up so they are vertical against the ring post and again throws Henry into them and Mark takes a genuinely impressive Foley-esque bump as he flies over them. Henry gets richly rewarded for his dedication to giving the fan's their money's worth with a half assed "BORING" chant.
Back in the ring and V hits a huge Samoan drop. The camera then shows Mae Young 'running' down the ramp as Viscera hit a big belly to belly. She reaches the ring and barely avoids a broken hip as she climbs into it. She tries to protect Mark Henry but Big V pushes her to the mat and she lands hard. Viscera sets up to hit her with another splash but Henry intercepts with a shoulder block. Henry hits a standard body slam and gets the 3 count?!
Henry goes straight to check on his baby momma and they walk out together, Viscera is already back on his feet but Henry pays him no attention as wrestling teaches us again that there is nothing more powerful than the love between a man and his geriatric fuck buddy.
WINNER - MARK HENRY BY BODY SLAM??!
THE HARDY BOYZ (WITH TERRI) v EDGE & CHRISTIAN
By Pete Hitchcock
Edge and Christian, Hardys and Dudley matches from late 1999 to Wrestlemania X-7 are basically the wrestling equivalent of that really tasty, not that unhealthy but not perfect for you comfort food. Any combination of these guys had pretty much fantastic chemistry with their Triangle Ladder and TLC matches obviously being the most well known but I'm really looking forward to this one.
Hardys enter first with Terri, followed by Edge and Christian with their groovy attitude era theme. Has anyone had a better set of theme music than Edge? They're all bangers. Faarooq and Bradshaw come out to look on ominously as Edge jumps Jeff and the match begins. This is off to a fast pace already with Jeff missing a corkscrew moonsault in the first minute, but the Hardys regroup and Matt gets to work on Christian, slamming him throat first on the top rope followed by a back suplex and now into chops in the corner. Are Christian and Edge the faces in this? Interesting.
Jeff gets some cheap offence in on Christian on the outside, before Matt tags him back in. Christian's selling is fine and the Hardy's heat isn't bad, but the dynamic feels completely wrong here. JR talks up the Cell hanging above the ring, and it does feel like a really big deal. Matt goes for a piledriver on Christian but he fights his way out, Matt tries a crucifix powerbomb but Christian counters with a neckbreaker!
Edge is looking for the hot tag but Matt is able to recover and put Christian in range for Jeff to come off the top rope...with a flying nothing! Christian gets out and makes the tag. Edge and Christian have some nice moves, with a cool somewhat unorthodox looking dive by Christian I wasn't expecting. I still don't think these guys have figured out "babyface" yet though, but they certainly will nail the heel role later this year.
Christian now drops Jeff with a sit out facebuster (think an X-factor but Jeff is facing the other way) and now Jeff's the face in peril. The crowd aren't that into the match unfortunately but I think the Triangle Ladder match will change proceedings in a month or so. JR and King remark on the Acolytes on the outside who have been waiting politely.
Edge and Jeff have a nice exchange countering pins and lifting out in the middle of the ring before Edge gets Jeff with a Piledriver! It's only a 2 however as Edge moves into working a nasty looking headlock on Jeff, who is able to eventually power out and into a scary looking hurricanrana type thing on Edge- it might have been a botch as they repeat the spot but this time Edge counters into a cool sitout powerbomb off Jeff popping up.
Christian now in and I never knew he had a decent scoop powerslam - it ain't Orton tier but it's not bad. Jeff and Edge go back and forth in the ring until they both go down, Christian works over Jeff but Matt decides to come in with an elbow drop onto a prone Edge whilst not legal, Jeff is able to get over for a cover but it's only 2.
Christian might have been legal anyway, but it doesn't matter as Edge coming off the top rope gets countered by a Jeff Hardy dropkick! For a bunch of daredevil teams the work has been pretty safe and conventional (but not bad) which you might not expect from them. Matt gets the hot tag and things break down as Edge gets a pin on Matt and Jeff on Christian at the same time!
But both kick out at 2. Christian down in the middle of the ring as the Hardys go both off the top with a splash and leg drop combo onto him...but Edge breaks it up! I think we might have Progress legal man syndrome here, which King notes. Edge counters Poetry in Motion with a spear off the middle rope (shades of what would happen a year later) which looks really cool but Matt is still going and gets Edge with a Twist of Fate.
Things break down again but as Jeff is about to hit a swanton off the top onto Christian, Terri shoves Jeff off the top... and then slaps Matt! This allows Christian to hit the Unprettier for the win on Matt as Edge and Christian look incredibly puzzled at Terri helping them and sheepishly make their exit while Terri dances in the ring.
Something is up here...Matt wants an answer from Terri but now the Acolytes swoop in and lay out Matt and Jeff. Tune into Raw I guess! King does his best to make sense of the situation as the Acolytes leave. This wasn't perhaps the match I was hoping for but it was still an easy watch. I'm sure I would have wanted to tune in Monday night to find out, if I were 6 and a half again and watching this before school on a Monday.
WINNERS - EDGE & CHRISTIAN BY AN UNPRETTY TERRI RUNNELS HEEL TURN
TAZZ v BIG BOSS MAN (W/ PRINCE ALBERT)
By JCH
I chose Tazz vs Boss Man as I am a huge Boss Man fan and hoped it would be when he was knocking around with Bull Buchanan. The iconic music hits and Boss Man is accompanied by.....Prince Albert. A man named after a penis piercing.
We get some footage from Heat earlier. Used to love that. Heat. What a show. Boss Man and Albert beat up Tazz as he tries to enter the locker room. At this stage, Tazz still feels like a pretty big deal. A month into his run. I'd never heard of him pre-debut, but the crowds loved him.
Boss Man meets him on the ramp. They fight for about 45 seconds. Tazzmission locked in. Albert attacks. DQ. What a classic...
Post-match we get repeated beatdowns of Tazz, who annoys Boss Man by continually fighting back. Things seem to have reached to a head when Bossman breaks the night stick on Tazz's head. But back he comes again!!!
Eventually Albert punts him in the penis and it's over. Maybe he was numbing him so he could give him a Prince Albert?
This seems to be trying to establish Taz as a scrappy guy who won't quit. This match had zero suplexes. The night stick break looked pretty brutal, though. This match gets the rating of Nottingham Forest vs Tottenham - 20th Feb 1996 - abandoned after 14 mins due to snow.
WINNER - TAZZ BY PRE-EMPTIVE PRINCE ALBERT PREP
NO HOLDS BARRED: KANE v X-PAC
By Nineties Mike
Kane. Brother of The Undertaker. WWE Grand Slam champion aka Glen Jacobs. Realtor. Mayor of Knox County. 👍
X-Pac. Member of The Kliq. Ex WWE European, Light Heavyweight and Cruiserweight champion aka Sean Waltman. Did a porno with Chyna. 👎
On paper, this looks like a mismatch in pretty much every conceivable way. However, with a No Holds Barred stipulation, almost anything could happen here (not that, get your mind out of the gutter).
This all started with the two as allies, only for D-Generation X to turn on Kane. Tori then allied with Kane, only to turn on him and reveal that X-Pac was her new man! Kane earned this match by firstly Tombstoning Tori, and then winning a handicap against HHH and Big Show (with a little help from The Rock). In the go-home edition of Smackdown, X-Pac shot fire into Kane’s face with a flamethrower (imagine that now!!!) and here we are.
With X-Pac escorted to the ring by Tori, and Kane arriving with Paul Bearer, that stipulation is definitely going to have some bearing on the action. X-Pac is straight onto Kane, but Kane gets us going with some big power moves, clothesline to the outside, and X-Pac has had enough. He and Tori try to leave, but Kane is having none of it, chasing X-Pac up the ramp, and a punch and head smash into a guard rail stops him in his tracks.
He sees the cage-like set at ringside, though and sees his chance, using it as a weapon and throwing Kane into it. X-Pac grabs a trashcan and hits Kane twice, it has no effect though, and Kane changes the momentum again, striking Waltman with it, and more strikes into the guard rail. They wander back to ringside now, fighting the whole way, snake eyes to X-Pac on the barrier before Kane tries to hit X-Pac with the steps, but misses and hits the post before throwing the steps into the ring.
The ring bell is utilised by X-Pac, but before he can use a chair, Paul Bearer intervenes (not for the first time, I’m sure), but he gets a slap from Tori (also probably not the last of these), and we get the Benny Hill chase around the ring. Back in the ring and Kane, is up top, only to be brought crashing down to Earth and X-Pac hits a Bronco Buster.
Kane sits straight up, though, and starts to work over X-Pac but a dropkick to the knee drops Kane before X-Pac settles on trying to work the leg over. Kane blocks the submission attempt by X-Pac with a kick that sends him flying out of the ring. Barrier strike and punches from Kane before he rolls X-Pac back in, and X-Pac seizes the initiative and hits a jumping side kick to knock down Kane. X-Pac is climbing up to the top, but Kane sits up!
X-Pac is going to jump anyway, and Kane CATCHES X-Pac. X-Pac wriggles free, though, hits a low blow and follows up with the X-Factor on Kane. Here he is! Bearer is on the apron (Hi, Hannah!), but he’s cut off by X-Pac. Couple of big rights and a big boot from Kane, followed by a top rope clothesline. Here she is! Tori is on the apron (Hi, Hannah!) and JR is calling for Kane to Tombstone here again!!
Kane hits a chokeslam on X-Pac, but Tori is in and climbing all over Kane’s back and JR gets his wish! TOMBSTONE TO TORI! Kane grabs the steel steps to attack X-Pac, but X-Pac hits a dropkick into the steps, slamming them in to Kane’s face. He pins Kane using the steps and we get 1, 2 and 3!
X-Pac and Tori both barely able to walk to the back, and Kane looks like he can’t believe he lost to that little slimy twerp!
That was fairly quick for a No Holds Barred match, all the fat was trimmed off, and I liked the angle using the steps.
WINNER - X-PAC BY BEING A SLIMY LITTLE TWERP
TOO COOL v THE RADICALZ (W/EDDIE GUERRERO)
By Ross Casey
First off, can I point out that I was lucky enough to see Too Cool live at the York Hall for Rev Pro in 2014 and they were so much fun. My lasting memory of that night was Rikishi being brought a tiny British chair to sit on and the glare he gave the woman, followed by her bringing two more chairs for his phat ass, brought me much joy.
This was the debut WWF pay-per-view for The Radicalz. We are shown last week on RAW, where Rikishi beat Eddie Guerrero - who was wearing a sling following his grim dislocated elbow a few weeks previous. Eddie will be ringside here offering moral support - and maybe more - as he is brandishing a lead pipe. Is this PPV sponsored by Cluedo?
Too Cool are out first to a decent pop, followed by The Radicalz. Now that is a theme I am reminded that needs to be re-heard. Banger! The Radicalz attack before the bell and as Eddie goes to hit Rikishi with the lead pipe, the big Samoan turns and actually strikes Eddie with it to his injured elbow!
Saturn and Sexay kick things off as the bell rings and Lawler's son (wearing a durag) gets the better of him, and then Benoit too! Scotty Too Hotty tags in and Benoit rips his hat off in disgust. Hotty moonwalks to and tags in Rikishi.
Stink face for Benoit! Kish goes for his finisher, but Malenko takes his leg out. I should mention that his knee is heavily bandaged and The Radicalz are seeing that like a red rag to a bull. Scotty manages to get the tag in, but Benoit picks him apart with aplomb.
Saturn and Malenko hit a double team move that turns Scotty inside out - does that make him a silkworm? The Radicalz then get the upper hand and hit some clean, crisp moves showcasing their amazing wrestling skills. What a group of grapplers they were.
The meeting of the fun, dancing babyfaces against a po-faced trio of technical wrestlers is making for a fun dynamic and the crowd are fully behhind Too Cool getting back into the contest.
They pop for Rikishi's hot tag and he hits the Rikishi Driver on Saturn. That move is fucking sick! Scotty then hits the worm. Malenko TWICE chop blocks Rikishi's poorly leg. Hip Hop drop off the top from Sexay, but that gets broken up by Benoit's flying headbutt! Rikishi is left in the ring with Malenko, who is focusing on hurting the leg of Rikishi.
RIKISHI DRIVER to Malenko! That one looked fucking savage! He goes up top for the Rikishi drop and PINS Malenko!
Bloody hell, I wasn't expecting that! A clean win for Too Cool over the debuting Radicalz! That was a bloody blast, really enjoyed that. Go back and watch it to see those Rikishi Drivers - and Too Cool dancing at the end. WRESTLING SHOULD BE FUN.
WINNER - TOO COOL BY RIKISHI ASS SPLAT
THE ROCK v THE BIG SHOW
By Greg Cox
Having completely failed in my first attempt at a nerd watch Wednesday I thought I'd better make amends and review some absolute peak attitude era content for your pleasure and mine. So I settled down, poured myself a rum (it was 3.24pm on a Monday afternoon) and proceeded to relive some good times with my seedy, ol’ southern pals Jim and Jerry.
Build
My God Attitude Era pre-match VTS were good. Basically the Big Show is pissed. He was denied a clear Royal Rumble win by some classic VAR bullshit, when it was clear that The Rock’s feet did indeed hit the ground AFTER the huge lumbering Giant crashed to the outside. Sidenote, I still don’t know if this was a mistake by The Rock at the Rumble or a quite brilliantly executed angle by both him and Show to set this match up for No Way Out and to build to Mania? Either way, BIg Show gets his proof and is granted a match with Rocky at No Way Out, with the winner to get a title shot at Wrestlemania.
In a VT which included a 2x4 attack, many an unprotected headshot, an attempted kidnapping, two Big Show haircuts and The Rock being thrown through a window, the baying crowd are suitably hyped.
Match
Big Show comes out to crickets from the audience. They clearly aren’t impressed with his new shorter hair. The Rock then enters to a frankly obscene pop from the audience. I can think of very few active wrestlers in the world right now that could garner such a reaction week in week out. Never fails to surprise me
Anyway, after a brief stare down they both go at it with lefts and rights. Rocky hits the first notable wrestling move of the match with a nice DDT on the big man. (7’2 and 500Ib reckons JR. I call bullshit...)
The action then moves to the outside with Rock sending Show into the stairs and then out into the audience. Earl Hebner has clearly forgotten that count outs and DQ’s are a thing. Show impressively gorilla presses the 6’5 275Ib Rock (I believe that) and sends him face first into the barricade, taking control of the match.
Hebner finally climbs out of his K hole and orders the action back inside. Big Show duly then screams in his face, showering the poor official in saliva. King also rather unkindly refers to Hebner as ‘a midget’. Again, peak Attitude era bants.
It is not long before the action again spills to the outside, The rock spits some water into The Big Shows face, presumably in act of ingenious satire or simply revenge on behalf of everyone who has had Big Show dribble on them over the years. This has the Big Show stunned and allows The Rock a foothold in the match.
He reverses a side Russian leg sweep and takes the Big Showdown, as more drool goes flying into the front row. Show is soon up though hitting Balboa with side walk slam and a gets a near fall. (I never noticed that Earl Hebner was left handed) Frustrated with the two count Show grabs a chair and swings for the Rock, missing completely and dropping it to the mat.
He then throws the Rock straight into Earl Hebner, who goes flying out of the ring and presumably dies. Out of nowhere Big Show then hits The Rock with his huge chokeslam finisher! But where’s the ref?! Being a huge friend to all giants, Tim White comes flying down to make the count. Inexplicably, Hebner pulls Tim White out of the ring, breaking the count and letting him know in no uncertain terms that he’s the man in charge.
Then suddenly, “No Chance, that’s what you’ve got”. It’s fucking Shane Mcmahon! The crowd are lapping it up. Shane is clearly unhappy at the chaotic officiating and starts to scream at the both of them. It’s at this point that Hebner’s night goes from bad to worse as he is set upon by Tim White! Who starts beating the piss out of him on the outside!
In all the chaos The Rock decides to completely cheat and smash Big Show with the chair. He then follows it up with a Rock Bottom, thus setting Show up for the most electrifying move in sports entertainment (besides The Worm), The People’s Elbow. The elbow pad goes into the crowd, the arms swing, he hits one rope and jumps Show, hits the other rope and then FUUUUUUCK!!!!! Shane twats The people’s champ square in the face with the chair!!!
JR goes absolutely fucking spare ‘someone tell me why’ he cries, completely forgetting that it was in fact The Rock who had actually cheated first. Tim White temporarily halts his vicious assault on Hebner, jumps into the ring and counts the 1,2,3, sending the Big man to Wrestlemania...
After
Show embraces Shane with the sweatiest of bearhugs and the two of them head backstage together, clearly in cahoots. “I'm going to Wrestlemania” bellows The Big Show, his final volley of phlegm covering the first eighteen rows. His father would’ve been proud.
Verdict
Loved it. Absolute chaos at the end. Classic Attitude Era Nonsense. Earl Hebner was fantastic.
Rating if needed - 8/10. None of this 5 stars bullshit.
WINNER - BIG SHOW BY SHAME O'MAC
WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: TRIPLE H (C) v CACTUS JACK
By Matt Connolly
Right. The time has come for me to again select the viewing pleasures of my fellow nerds and this time out I went safe and plumped for this classic 2000 PPV. The Cherry on the Cake of this event is Triple H defending his WWE/F Heavyweight Championship against Cactus Jack with the added stipulation that should Cactus lose he is finished in the business. High Stakes here.
Promo package is expert. Opening with the classic "This is the most Perverse....vile....diabolical structure." Talk about setting the scene for Hell In A Cell. This was way before WWE would whore the match out once a year at a PPV dedicated to the stipulation. You really get the sense of violence from the short and snappy footage shown in the promo package. The whole thing isn't as smooth as WWE/F would get it in the following year but the story is laid out perfectly.
Following their classic street fight at the previous months Royal Rumble Trip's is feeling confident so challenges Cactus to any match type he wants. The only stipulation being that his career must be on the line. Cactus choosing Hell In A Cell is perfect. It's a match type that his other persona Mankind has made famous by the sheer brutality he has taken in the match. The story here will be that Cactus is willing to go through Hell to win, but can he inflict enough damage on the champ to get the victory.
First out is the Champ. It's the My Time theme. This is peak Triple H for me. Ripped to the Gills. Huge title round his waist. Stephanie strutting by his side and a theme that absolutely bangs. Was 2000 the best year of his career? Hard to argue surely. Cactus out next. Nothing out of the ordinary to say here. He seems focused. His theme is good but not as iconic as Mankind or Dude Love in this writers opinion. Cell is lowered and the big fight feeling falls over the crowd. A time when the lowering of the cell still made fans go bananas. Lawler says on commentary that Cactus has promised to jump of this Cell tonight. A year and a half removed from King of the Ring 1998 that is a draw!
Oh great, Hebner is Ref. Of course he is. Even though rules are lax I bet he tries to get involved somehow. As the bell rings we already get a great nugget of storytelling. Cactus going straight to the door to check if he can escape. He wants to take this shit upstairs early. Instead HHH engages in some strikes outside the ring. Trip's selling these like Tyson is throwing haymakers. Cactus driving his head into the floor. It's physical and feels like a fight. It feels like something big is at stake and you bet it is! The two continue to brawl.
At one point Hebner tells HHH to stop using a closed fist. I mean just fuck off Earl mate. I've just seen Foley rake HHH's head of the mesh! These two are only brawling but it feels huge and you are just waiting for the first big swing of momentum. As he tries to enter the ring Trip's flies at him with a Knee that hammers the chair back at Cactus whilst he falls into the side of the cell. Ouch. The King of the Bump taking a big one there. Have a feeling he may take a few more.
HHH is in control now and then flings the steel steps straight at Cactus. Jeez! The sympathy building for Cactus here. HHH then places said stairs over Cactus before walloping them with a chair. Hebner telling him to lay off. Biased Prick. HHH returns to the ring, eventually followed by a limping Cactus. Crowd get into this. It's hard for crowds to really invest in cage matches I hear due to visibility issues but they are trying here. A parade of chair shots rain down on Cactus including a nasty looking baseball swing type hit to the brain. It only gets a 2 count but it's all one way traffic now.
The contest turns when Cactus goads HHH into a chair shot which he reverses into low strikes and then a Double Arm DDT on a chair to create separation. We then go into a stretch of offence from both men involving a steel chair in various ways. Eventually Cactus hits one of the best catapults I have ever seen that sends Trip's flying into the mesh. It's usually one of the moves I find goofy but they time this one to perfection and it looks nasty. Naturally HHH is now bleeding everywhere. I love Blood. This is the sort of occasion that warrants it too and the sort of move that you could imagine leading to claret.
Cactus sensing an opportunity now turns all his offence to the wound. Scrapping his head of the cell and landing hard rights for good measure. Hebner again telling him to calm it. Just have a day off now seriously.Luckily he doesn't listen and instead nails HHH with a flying chair shot of the top rope to the floor outside. Cactus first to his feet and launches some stairs at HHH but he ducks and the stairs create a gap in the cell. HELLO! Business just picked up. The crowd pop huge for this. They exit the cage via an Irish whip from Cactus and now brawl around the Announce tables.
Cactus hits a piledriver on HHH that fails to break the table but Jesus Christ it looks mean and nasty. He's well on top now. Foley chants boom around the arena and that appears to be the cue for Cactus to climb the cell. Massive pop for this. Fan's are about to get a Kodak moment here, but Stephanie gets her heat but grabbing his foot as he tries to climb. So Cactus goes for Plan B. He grabs A 2x4 wrapped in Barbed Wire from the time keepers area. BUSINESS HAS REALLY PICKED UP!
The crowd go Ape for this as well. HHH tries to escape but Cactus catches him plumb on the head with the barbed wire. Lord! HHH doesn't fancy this War so much now so climbs the Cell himself. Cactus gives chase and now both Men are up high. This can't end well. Cactus has made a fatal error though. He has taken the 2x4 with him and as he throws it up top to get himself on the roof, HHH pounces and grabs it before raking it over Foley's head.
Cactus then takes a bump through the announce table as standard. It isn't as high as the KOTR bump or at such a speed but still crazy. Incredibly, after 30 seconds or so Cactus is back on his feet and trying to grab a chair. He is now bleeding just as much of not more than his opponent. HHH has stayed up top, beckoning Cactus to return. As he eventually gets to the top he is greeted with a Barbed Wire shot to his back. HHH stalks him and after a few shots goes for the kill but Cactus manages a low blow to stop the onslaught and fire a shot of his own with the barbed wire. This is just a match I'm absolutely here for.
Cactus hits a suplex on the Cell Roof. It doesn't break. Double Arm DDT. It doesn't break. What is the new plan of action Mick? Set the barbed Wire on fire? Yeah why not. This match is already as violent as a WWF/E match gets why not bring some fire in. As if you need telling by now the crowd suitable pop huge. It's a fantastic visual of Cactus holding a burning 2x4 aloft whilst HHH struggles to his feet.
Cactus nails him and then places it on the roof whilst motioning for a piledriver on the lit object. But, in a moment that we all sort of knew would happen HHH hits a back body drop and Foley flies through the roof and then smashes into the mat below, creating a huge dent. It's an outrageous bump. The ring is broken and I'd be stunned if Foley isn't as well. ICONIC!
HOLY SHIT rings round the arena whilst HHH lowers himself back in the ring but then a sign of movement from Foley. Crowd goes bananas. How is he even alive!?! Big right from Trips. Pedigree. "Kick out Cactus" cries JR. All in vein. Your winner and still champion, Triple H. Cactus Jack has to retire from professional wrestling (For Now).
WINNER - AND STILL WWF CHAMPION, TRIPLE H BY MURDER BACK DROP & PEDIGREE
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