This is the third and final of our Bumper Nerd Watch Wednesday Royal Rumble content today!
The following is an alternative review of the 2020 Men’s Royal Rumble where we’ll be looking at each wrestler’s journey throughout the Rumble, instead of the usual chronological play-by-play.
The entrants will be in order of time of elimination, rather than entrance spot, so we finish with the winner. We will still list the spot numbers next to the entrant’s name for clarity.
2) Elias (Reviewed by Connolly)
Elias coming out at 2 won me this months Nerd Pick Ems and that is really all that matters here. He sings a song. It mentions being a sacrificial lamb. Brock chases him and then murders him. He gets to say he was here for exactly 1 minute but all that will be remembered will be the tears of the losers who predicted fools such as Ali and Ricochet in this spot.
3) Erick Rowan (Reviewed by Carlson)
Roll on entrant number 3 in the men’s rumble, this surely is going to be someone in it for the long haul? Brock patiently waiting here for...Erick Rowan.
Here’s hoping we can find out what’s in his sack... In he goes and out he goes faster than Sarah Logan, 8 seconds later. This rumble surely going to resemble the iconic Cell Games from DBZ?
4) Robert Roode (Reviewed by RJF)
Brock waiting alone in the ring for him. Gets a couple of shots in before being hit with the F5 and quickly eliminated.
5) John Morrison (Reviewed by Ross)
I've taken Mike's number here and it's my birthday so I refuse to spend too long thinking about John Morrison, it will make Tara Valkyrie jealous. His hair has been on point since 2006 and he had a great Chronicle on the Network this month. He didn't win though. In fact - he lasted just nine seconds.
7) Rey Mysterio (Reviewed by Luke)
2006 Royal Rumble winner enters in at #7 and could the 'WWE's biggest little man' put an end to Brock Lesnar's rampage? Absolutely fucking not. Rey got in his finisher though when he 619'd the beast! That's something to hang your mask on. Rey was subsequently tossed over Brock's head when in the corner but at this stage of the Rumble lasting 02:54 was a belting effort.
8) Big E (Reviewed by Connolly)
Coming in at number 8 and at such a good time for both Rey and Kofi who are attempting to chop down The Beast. E rallies the troops on the outside and then the 3 Men charge! Initially this plan is working! After Kofi nails a Trouble in Paradise, Big E hits The Big Ending and maybe he is going to get the scalp of Lesnar!
He gets on his knees to allow Rey to hit a whisper in the wind on Lesnar but he catches Rey and eliminates him before using Big E as a spring board to nail Kofi. E can't recover and becomes one of many victims that fall at the hands of Lesnar. God loves a tryer but tonight that's the only solace for the big man. 53 seconds of magic nonetheless.
6) Kofi Kingston (Reviewed by DVD)
Number 6 in this year’s Royal Rumble signified a change in chapter point in Brock Lesnar’s story. Kofi Kingston entered as a man from The Beast’s past who was out for revenge. With his compatriot Big E and New Day sympathiser Rey Mysterio he attempted to depose Lesnar from the ring. Unfortunately Lesnar was still too big, too fast, too strong. At least Kofi lasted longer than 6 seconds this time.
9) Cesaro (Reviewed by Ross)
Purposefully jogged to the ring, having seen Brock Lesnar just eliminate the SD Tag Champs and Rey Mysterio, leaving Cesaro to face the Beast one on one. The Swiss Superman ducks the first strike from Lesnar and lands multiple European uppercuts, but takes a jarring knee to the ribs, a suplex and is then swiftly clotheslined over the ropes and out, lasting just 18 seconds.
Positives: Lasted longer than Morrison and Rowan. Negatives: That brass ring looks unreachable at this point.
10) Shelton Benjamin (Reviewed by Carlson)
Righto, this is the man to take the beast. The proverbial Trunks. 4,3,2,1.....Shelton Benjamin. A man who knows Brock better than anyone. What a great moment with Heyman before getting in the ring.
It seems the two are about to work together, what a swerve! The two have such a history how could they not. Oh wait no, the unpredictable has occurred. Bye bye Shelty.
11) Shinsuke Nakamura (Reviewed by Ross)
I've taken Ro's number here and it's my birthday so I refuse to spend too long thinking about Shinsuke Nakamura, it will make Sami Zayn jealous. I did a sporcle recently of every Royal Rumble winner and he was the only wrestler I forgot. He didn't win this one, though.
12) MVP (Reviewed by RJF)
Surprise entry. Brock dancing to his entrance music. He chases Hayman around the ring. Gets in, takes an F5 and eliminated. Should have just cut and paste my write up of Roode.
13) Keith Lee (Reviewed by Ross)
I've taken Mike's number here and it's my birthday so I refuse to spend too long thinking about Keith Lee, it will make Mia Yim jealous. Brock's reactions to seeing Keith Lee were incredible. Lee will have a MASSIVE 2020. He didn't win this one, though.
14) Braun Strowman (Reviewed by Pete)
Pete didn't do his reviews this week but I think it would have looked like this…..
Out at 14, it's KATSUYORI SHIBATA!!!!
Shibata looks absolutely massive here. He's really put on the beef for his WWE debut.
He's eliminated by Lesnar which is weird because Shibata is clearly the better mixed martial artist of the two.
1) Brock Lesnar (Reviewed by DVD)
G’day lads and welcome to your main event of the evening. Before we get started, I want to get a couple things straight: 1, I am prone to superlative and 2, this is now my favourite Royal Rumble match ever. This revelation comes almost as a direct result of the performance from the athlete who named himself as the number one entrant, the WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar.
There was no mystery to start this year’s Rumble as The Beast called his shot and booked himself to enter the Rumble first. I’m not sure how he managed to just claim this spot himself, but I guess when you are Brock Lesnar, you do whatever you want.
If you haven’t seen this, go watch it. You can borrow my WWE Network subscription if you like. It’s an incredibly well booked story with Lesnar rubbing through his first 13 opponents, one by one.
Lesnar eliminates: Elias, Erick Rowan, Bobby Roode, Johnny Smackdown, Rey Mysterio, Big E, Kofi Kingston, Cesaro, Shelton Benjamin, Shinsuke Nakamura, MVP, Keith Lee and Braun Strowman to equal the all time record for most eliminations in a Rumble Match. It deserves saying though; that when Braun Set that record, he had double the amount of opponents that Lesnar had here.
Lesnar’s story went from 4 easy kills to begin his night. Elias even sings about being “a sacrificial lamb” as he enters the ring.
Lesnar then is faced with challenges from his past in Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston. Undisputedly my favourite part of the match is when The New Day and Mysterio have Lesnar prime in the corner for A Poetry in Motion style manoeuvre. Lesnar reverses by catching Mysterio and tossing him, essentially over the right field wall, before leaping off Langston’s back for a clothesline on Kofi. I popped.
I understand the Lesnar hate amongst WWE fans but I certainly don’t empathise. He is incredible. I could not take my eyes off this for a second. There was even some sentimentality when he was reunited with former amateur teammate, coach and professional tag team partner in Shelton Benjamin. Brock pulls the rug out from under a potential reunion between the 2 with a double cross after a hug, but any time we get to see Lesnar show an emotion that isn’t anger or hunger it’s absolutely fantastic.
The next chapter in Lesnar’s story is being faced with the mountain of “big boy” Keith Lee and “current eliminations record holder” Braun Strowman. The crowd loves any interaction between Lee and Lesnar and Lee manages to hold his own against the beast. The mistake comes when Lee and Strowman turn their attention to one another and Lesnar dumps them both out and when Strowman’s feet hit the floor, Lesnar has equalled Braun’s all time record of 13 eliminations. A lovely touch from WWE here.
It’s beginning to look like Lesnar is going to rub the field here until number 16, Drew McIntyre. Last Monday in Raw, Lesnar made a bollock of himself by kicking Richochet in the balls. Well the beast reaped what he sowed here as the One and Only got his comeuppance and hit the Beast with the nut shot which allowed Lesnar to finally be eliminated by McIntyre’s Claymore. What a run, what a beautifully crafted story, what a match. Oh? It’s not over yet? Well I imagine that my next 2 numbers can’t possibly play as important of a role in the story of this match right?
15) Ricochet (Reviewed by Brum)
Can Ricochet do better than most and last more than a minute with Brock?
He starts off with a springboard press and gets caught and backbreakered. Then a German. Then Drew enters - well done Ricochet!
As Brock is staring at Drew, Ricochet low blows him! Claymore from Drew and Brock is out. Ricochet hits a springboard on Drew followed by a standing shooting star but Drew just stands up with him and hurls him out! Some air time there. Bye bye Ricochet.
17) The Miz (Reviewed by Luke)
The Miz should be absolutely elated. Brock Lesnar has finally been eliminated and it's time for the guys to start filling up the ring! Bouncing down at #17 with all the swagger of a white guy with dreadlocks, Miz rolls in to the ring, gets Future Shock DDT'd, Claymore Kicked then dumped out after 30 seconds.
18) AJ Styles (Reviewed by JCH)
AJ came in, they looked to be setting up something between him and Edge, maybe incorporating Orton and the Club for a feud. Sadly Styles seemed to injure himself and asked Edge to throw him out anticlimactically.
23) Matt Riddle (Reviewed by Pete)
Pete didn't do his reviews this week but I think it would have looked like this…..
Out at 23, it's KATSUYORI SHIBATA!!!!
Shibata comes out wearing flip flops. He is quickly eliminated as he is not used to wrestling without boots.
22) King Corbin (Reviewed by Brum)
Corbin in next. And he goes straight after Edge (FUCKING EDGE). Corbin Corbins for a bit until Riddle gets in who gives him some kicks. Though as Riddle is distracted, Baron eliminates him. What the fuck? BOO.
As Corbin and the OC are beating on Edge, Drew grabs Baron and chucks his Bro-eliminating ass out of ring. WHOOP.
24) Luke Gallows (Reviewed by Luke)
Ah, Luke Gallows. One of the funniest men outside the ring, yet least captivating in it. I jest. Gallows enters here at 24 and lasts about 2 minutes before being eliminated by Edge. Firstly, though he hits said returning superstar with a Magic Killer.
Gallows is very much filler Rumble material and does what you'd pretty much expect, not much. But he's Luke Gallows and you're not ya bunch of NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERDS.
20) Karl Anderson (Reviewed by JCH)
Anderson was given as much in this match as his position on the roster would suggest. Him and Gallows were thrown out by Rated RKO.
19) Dolph Ziggler (Reviewed by Ross)
I've taken Mike's number here and it's my birthday so I refuse to spend too long thinking about Dolph Ziggler, it will make Sunny jealous. Apparently he took a really good spear from Edge? He didn't win this one, though.
28) Aleister Black (Reviewed by Pete)
Pete didn't do his reviews this week but I think it would have looked like this…..
Out at 28, it's KATSUYORI SHIBATA!!!!
Shibata is back and covered in tattoos. He decides to recreate his famous G1 classic with Ishii, but this time with the WWE version - Roman Reigns.
Shibata is eliminated by a man who looks like Jay White.
27) Kevin Owens (Reviewed by Brum)
COME ON KEV. Good fire from Kev! Lots of cannon balls! Powerbomb on Drew! He tries a pop up powerbomb on Roman but Reigns leapfrogs him but then gets stunned!! BIG POP. Orton tries an RKO but gets stunned too!
Joe comes in at 29 and has a run in with Kev. Seth in at 30 and Joe and Kev run to the outside to fight Seth and his mates.
Back in the ring, Owens looks like he's eliminated Seth but the AOP catch him in midair and put him back in the ring. The AOP then beat on Kev and Seth eliminates him :(
29) Samoa Joe (Reviewed by Ross)
Joe gets a great pop and the crowd chant Joe as he jogs to the ring and attacks Aleister Black from the off in what is a bit of a dream match for me. He gets the upper hand over him, before bumping into his current chum Kevin Owens. They laugh, shrug and attack eachother with punches. This played out well and was even alluded to in the pre-show package. EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
Joe again is the victor in that encounter, but Seth's music hits, so he picks Owens up and they get set to fight their rival. Seth arrives with AOP and Murphy, so the faces go under the bottom rope for a brawl. Booker calls it a bad move and I'm inclined to agree. After a beating on the outside, Joe heads back to the ring shortly after Rollins eliminates Owens and locks in the cochina clutch.
Buddy gets on the apron and kicks Joe to cause him to release Seth. Joe stupidly goes after him and Seth dumps him over from behind after just 04:25. Looking forward to the tag match!
Positives: Great reaction and story development. Negatives: Threw his towel into the crowd, he probably needed that after.
30) Seth Rollins (Reviewed by JCH)
Seth came out at 30 with his crew of Murphy and the A.O.P to back him up. Did I have a advance at the winner? They ganged up to take out Owens, Black and Joe, but then those 3 fought to the back with the posse. Rollins was on his own. He suggested a SHIELD reunion with Roman who was having none of it and big Drew through him out.
25) Randy Orton (Reviewed by RJF)
Quickly RKO’s Gallows and Anderson before teaming up with Edge to eliminate the OC. Rated RKO back together. It’s Orton, he’s hit his quota of RKO’s already, he’s just going to hang out in the corner and not take too many bumps from here. Sticks around a while. Gets an RKO in on Drew late in the game. Goes to turn on Edge but it backfires and Edge eliminates him at the final 4.
21) Edge (Reviewed by Connolly)
I don't think whatever I write can do justice to this moment. We had all heard the rumours. We all thought it might happen but until it actually did happen we didn't know how emotional and incredible it would be. Edge, 9 years removed from a WWE ring is actually wrestling again. The pop understandably deafening. It's moments like this that make you a wrestling fan.
You sit there and watch all this wrestling, some great, some good, some the absolute pits. Whatever your opinion on match quality or storylines, on who is being pushed or buried, on contract situations, you get a moment like this and suddenly you realise why you invest so much time into the one true sport of wrestling. What Edge does in this Rumble is not the story.
For what it's worth he has a really fun 23 minute run finishing 3rd and elminating three Men along the way. The moment when we realised it was actually happening is the moment that will defy this match and in truth is the reason why many will rank this up there with their favourite Royal Rumbles Ever. If you have somehow avoided the internet or been stuck on another planet then go and watch this (the new cut as they missed his comeback spear) and remember why you love wrestling.
26) Roman Reigns (Reviewed by Carlson)
Here comes my final pick at 26, and it’s...
The Big Dawgggg!
Apparently nobody has won from this spot, surely he’s a real chance here. Reigns winning has never gone down poorly before has it?
... ...
Reigns runs a pretty stock standard rumble before a great spot, and even eliminating the crowd favourite Edge before he has his final stand off between him and Drew Mcintyre. It’s looking quite like Reigns is going to get the job done and head off to headline his home state before a quick claymore counter and is eliminated by McIntyre in a very convincing fashion.
All in all I thought that was a very well booked Royal Rumble and put the right guy over heading into the pointy end of the wrestling calender.
16) Drew McIntyre (Reviewed by DVD)
In 2015, when I first moved to England, one of the first wrestling shows I went to was ICW at the bowling alley inside The O2. I only have a few blurry memories of that fantastic night: Grado’s entrance, Marty Scurll and the main event where Drew Galloway and Bram had a physical altercation with a fan. I remember thinking:
1. Why would anyone ever want to fight that big fucker (Galloway)?
2. What were the WWE thinking?
Fast forward to 2020 and it’s clear that the WWE have now seen what I saw that night in ICW. McIntyre is money. He can move, speak and is just super cool. He also looks a lot like WSBF’s own Sexy Mat Carlson.
He enters here at number 16 and begins by facing The seemingly unstoppable Brock Lesnar point to point. With a little help from Rick O’Shea the big Scottsman kicks Lesnar’s head off and begins his road to FREEDOM!
Drew goes on to eliminate 6 superstars in total (including Roman Reigns) to claim his first ever Royal Rumble and opportunity at a World Title. They always say the first time is the hardest and the first cut is the deepest. Well McIntyre has a chance to finally achieve his potential in what will now be the biggest showdown of the year.
I, for one, hope he gives Lesnar the old Hollywood Bowl treatment. Buckfast all round lads! McIntyre is your winner, and it’s class.
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