This week it was James who got to choose what we watched...
ROSS: So, we are heading to Armageddon 99. New Age Outlaws v Rock n Sock Connection. See you all at 8. I’ve just had 4 pints and 4 shots at Hannah’s work do. Really glad it’s not a serious bout haha.
JAMES: Is her work do at a PROGRESS show?
ROSS: Hahahaha basically
CHARLIE: This PPV is a low key classic looking at the matches. I Remember them all pretty much
ROSS: Where you at Shafi?
SIMON: Jericho vs Chyna
CHARLIE: Ross was here for Miss Kitty...
JAMES: Didn't realise Steve Blackman was on it versus Kurt… should have picked that
ROSS: We will give Shafi 10. Play a game of solitaire or two... if he’s not here ten past we will start
PETE: Haha I turned off smash bros for this
SIMON: I’ll have the evening gown match. Goddamn it Sgt Slaughter!
CHARLIE: Big square mug…
SIMON: Thank god he was there for when Mae Young tried to relive her youth
CHARLIE: She always did, foxy old girl
ROSS: Eight minutes later… this is like when the buzzer goes off on the rumble and no one comes… I hope he’s not been attacked backstage
PETE: Dammit I was gonna say that!
CHARLIE: Savage all over again
JAMES: Abducted by Taker as he wasn't selected
ROSS: Repackaged Shafi appears next week
JAMES: Big Daddy S
CHARLIE: Like Alex Wright as Berlyn?
PETE: Shafi did a one-off appearance in NXT to pop full sail… start the count to ten!
ROSS: Right so it looks like it’s just the famous five… 3 2 1 PLAY!
JAMES: Another nice set. A Big Tank!
PETE: Wow this mankind fella has really cleaned himself up. Is that dishevelled suit tailored?
JAMES: Yeah, He looks a lot more self-confident this week
ROSS: Mankind looking like the janitor on parents evening
CHARLIE: Christmas party nonce
PETE: Oh no my network died
SIMON: Blame mankind
ROSS: Shafi’s here!
SHAFI: 2 secs, just woke up
JAMES: Should have gone with the Carlson Youtube, Pete. Never fails
CHARLIE: Rock looks like he’s taken a nostril full of cactus jacks arse
SHAFI: Cactus crack?
JAMES: If Rock gets this ovation what is Mr Ass gonna get!!
PETE: Does he pull that face because he can smell his own cooking?
SIMON: He smells weed
JAMES: Mankind ditched Al Snow for The Rock. Decent shout
CHARLIE: OH YOU DIDNT KNOW
JAMES: Billy Gunn drinks that water so well
SIMON: Can’t even hear him on that mic
CHARLIE: Bucket hat D-O double G
PETE: I hate these yahoos
JAMES: He rhymed Hell with Fort Lauderdale and another word… which I missed
CHARLIE: Stone roses, off his nut
PETE: How did they get over? This is a huge indictment on humanity
JAMES: Due to his Ass and Catchphrases
ROSS: They don’t do the spiel in the ring? HEELS
JAMES: Brilliant. Paper Rock Scissors to see who starts!
SIMON: Billy Gunn loses his rock, paper scissors...
SHAFI: You would cheer anything if you had to watch the Roadie and Rockabilly first
PETE: Repeat that JR? Best tag team in WWF history, huh?
JAMES: Road Dogg has a combination of three Andy Carroll haircuts at the same time
SIMON: Those trainers are the modern day Jordan’s
JAMES: Mankind has discovered conditioner since last week
PETE: Say what you like about Road Dogg’s dreads, but they have culturally appropriated from actual good tag teams.
SHAFI: Mankind looks the way I used to when I had Skype interviews. Business up top, comfort down below
JAMES: The Rock who single handedly destroyed Billy Gunn's single career earlier this year
ROSS: Jeez, The Rock is over! Just pointing at him gets a bigger reaction than any 205 Live banger in history
PETE: The Rock probably had the best 'the fuck are you' stare in wrestling history
SIMON: The Rock has sharp sideburns
CHARLIE: Fatal shirt removal, Kip
ROSS: That shirt spot! "Just about the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen" says JR!
JAMES: The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours jabroni.
SHAFI: Billy Gunn with the Flair flop, probably the first time that comparison has ever been made
CHARLIE: Refs hairline is chatting shit
ROSS: SHAKE RATTLE AND CLAW!
JAMES: Ass thrown into the crowd
CHARLIE: Look at all the 90s fashion!!
JAMES: Nice arm drag back in
PETE: I will admit, every time JR says Mr Ass in his thick Oklahoma accent, I do giggle a little.
CHARLIE: Backwards leather flat cap
ROSS: Hip toss over the barrier. Followed by the second Flair flop from Mr Ass
JAMES: Triple H favourite that one
PETE: Like it's his actual name or something
SIMON: I think he just likes saying ass
JAMES: Hip toss that's what I meant
SHAFI: Take a shot every time he says Mr Ass
JAMES: I have some wine… close enough
PETE: You would die, Shafi. Watching a Billy Gunn match. No one's life is worth that little
ROSS: RKO!!!
SHAFI: Ass outta nowhere!
SIMON: Fuck sake I keep sniggering now at how he says Mr Ass
CHARLIE: For Christmas, I want a pair of green pants saying ‘Mr Arse’
JAMES: Yeah, this wine game is not going well
PETE: Wasn't the diamond cutter a thing on the other channel at this point
ROSS: "I Sort of like doggy style" Oh, Lawler
PETE: 270 pounds?
JAMES: 6ft 5, 270lbs Mr Ass
PETE: That is a fat fucking ass
JAMES: Ben Roethlisberger
ROSS: I didn’t expect The Rock to take the heat portion of this match...
JAMES: “Ready Willing and (G)able” JR was wise beyond his years!
CHARLIE: Billy Gunn would’ve been a top star in any era after this.
JAMES: Instead about 4 years later I was seeing him at Exmouth Pavilions thanks to a flyer I found on the floor
SHAFI: Of all the wrestling memorabilia I had at this time that DX hockey shirt was my holy grail. Can't believe my parents didn't want me walking around with "suck 69" written all over my top
JAMES: I have that shirt somewhere. Mum told me off for wearing a shirt saying 'Suck it' to a college interview
ROSS: The doggy style pumphandle!
PETE: 'Too much doggy style' lol. Don’t think The Rock appreciates the dry humping
ROSS: Mental he’s doing that to a future president… James I love you, but this match is the shits!
PETE: Yeah and my network has died again. WWE are trying to tell me something, carry on without me fellas
SIMON: The amount of times I got reported for responding “suck it” to someone who pissed me off at school. I’d still give crotch chops to the away fans
JAMES: Also I got told off by dad for giving a crotch chop to Rochdale fans at Exeter City because my brother dobbed me in and told him what it meant
ROSS: Float over DDT. Showing shane mcmahon how it’s done!
JAMES: Oh yeah, it’s not great. Do you know how hard it is to find a Billy Gunn match over 8 minutes! I knew I should have gone with the 3 KOTR matches. Combined total of 11 minutes
ROSS: Hot tag to Foley! The pace of the man!
PETE: I literally jumped back in at the right point - hot tagging myself in
JAMES: Here is that big corner thigh from last week!
ROSS: Foley doing the Road Dogg punches, followed by the stump piledriver
PETE: PILEDRIVERRRR. That was by a country mile the greatest thing in this match
ROSS: Hahahha Billy Gunn sort of over the top. Incredible action
SHAFI: Billy Gunn trying to get over the top rope is like a metaphor for his career
SIMON: SOCKOOOO
ROSS: Nothing for 10 mins, now ALL THE HITS
JAMES: Al Snow and HEAD! Better than an Undertaker run in…
PETE: Thank god Rock
ROSS: The Rock stops the count then clocks al snow, now Mankind gets hit by the ring bell!
JAMES: Need some snow at Christmas
SIMON: Mankind hit by the bellend
SHAFI: Who picked this match? Terrible!!
CHARLIE: Head and a bell for mankind...must be Christmas
SHAFI: Piledriver again!
PETE: well this is just getting silly
ROSS: Single handed crotch chop... don’t see that much
CHARLIE: Dogg on his town halls
ROSS: HOT TAG TO ROCK!
JAMES: ROCK ON FIRE
ROSS: Samoan drop!
SIMON: This match needs The Rock to be honest
JAMES: Fuck off Al
SIMON: Ah, fuck off snow
CHARLIE: ‘Fuck you’ hahaha The Rock
SHAFI: Lol wtf
ROSS: hahahhaa Al Snow DQ
SIMON: That just sums this up
SHAFI: What a terrible finish
PETE: James you never get to pick again
JAMES: Outlaws retain!
SHAFI: I feel like this match pick was a rib. You've ruined Christmas James!
JAMES: What’s the criteria for a pick?
PETE: It must have the undertaker in it
SHAFI: Just banter James
ROSS: Rock bottom and people's elbow to Al Snow after the DQ. Crowd eating it up. On PPV. Absolutely incredible
JAMES: I'm not voting it match of the year or anything!
SHAFI: The thing I love about these old PPVs are the camera flashes
ROSS: So that was a thing. Everyone send over your rating and a quick snap of your thoughts.
NERD RATINGS & ANALYSIS
CHARLIE: I’m gonna go 4/10
ROSS: 4/10 also. Literally powderpuff for 10 mins, a crazy exciting two mins then a DQ finish on a PPV. Wrestling is mental
PETE: 3 out of 10. One point for each piledriver and also The Rock. In other words Pokemon and Power Rangers in Space still reigning kings of 1999 culture
JAMES: That match wasn't great. It had Billy Gunn. Everyone was over. Imagine if the current roster with their talent wrestled in front of these crowds. It is the 2018 Jacksonville Jaguars. Mainly shite, but they did beat the Patriots.
SHAFI: 2/10. It was a fun pick, a microcosm of the attitude era itself, all sizzle and no steak. The match didn't make much sense, the finish was flat, but the crowd were into it which is sadly missing now. 10 mins of easy watching but instantly forgettable
SIMON: With the two popular tag teams up against each other. The match had glimpses of potential, but I do feel a bit let down by the finish if I’m honest. The Rock carried this match. 4/10
OVERALL RATING: 3.5/10. Unlike Aerosmith's Armageddon song... you won't mind missing a thing from this.
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