This past Sunday, the nerd group assembled once more for the biggest independent show in over 30 years, as PROGRESS put on a chapter at Wembley Arena.
We agreed (somewhat haphazardly) to meet at McGlynn's in Kings Cross for 1pm to leave at half 2 via the metropolitan line.
Pete and I were the first to arrive, with the master of wrestling sporting a Los Ingobernables de Japon baseball hat and an insatiable appetite. We spoke about the card and what we were looking forward to and before long we were joined by nerd power couple Hannah (sporting a black eye from her viral faceplant) and Mat.
Not soon after, Mike arrived with Dom and Hollie with a refreshed James not far behind, wearing a jubilant face that beamed of avoiding a house party at his for once. Rob, Jimbo and Alex joined after and we were soon immersed in the excitement of the day ahead.
My remark of not wanting to drink because 'I wanted to remember this forever' was both sincere and correctly made fun of. Hollie bought me a shandy out of pity I think and we chatted about our love of betting, The Menzingers and Joyce Manor which was a nice tangent aside from the incessant wrasslin' chat elsewhere for her I am sure.
Between swigs of alcohol and stale, but flavoursome cheesy Australian crisps, we fretted about the closure of the metropolitan line but refused to move until at least half two still.
The group split as Dom said farewell to Hollie and Hannah went to Pret, but still somehow Dom beat us to Wembley on a separate train. I think he must have ran some of the way after seeing the way he jogged down the Wembley Park station steps with an impressive turn of foot for a big man.
We then met up with fellow nerds Jake and Rob with earnest hugs and high fives before the usual trash-talking/flirting between us began.
We made it to the show just as the pre-show battle royal was due to begin, safely at our seats on the front row of the middle tier, complete with a button for seat service! Awesome! Four pints was £26. NOT awesome...
PRE-SHOW BATTLE ROYAL
- Chris Ridgeway didn't win so James was delighted.
- Chuck Mambo skinned so many cats, the RSPCA should have him arrested.
- Mad Man Manson is a very funny man.
- Big T's big slaps didn't resonate sonically and that made me sad.
- Stixx and RJ Singh battling back in a PROGRESS ring gave me all the nostalgia.
- Chuck Mambo won and we all cheered lots.
WARS PLAY AND VIDEO HYPE PACKAGE
I really enjoyed this. Mike really didn't because he hates anything I like musically.
MATT RIDDLE v MARK HASKINS
- Vicky Haskins looked incredible.
- Mark Haskins is very intense.
- Brit Wres were awful at streamers again.
- This match was really great.
- Riddle went out on his back, in the time honoured tradition.
- Crowd were split 50/50 I would say between the two wrestlers.
- Lovely little send off for Riddle who should ace NXT.
JINNY v TONI STORM v MILLIE MCKENZIE
- We tried to get our chant for Millie over numerous times.
- It didn't work.
- 'Candyfloss has blossomed'
- I don't remember much about this match apart from 'Suplex Millie'.
- Jinny's new theme is a BANGER.
- Laura Di Matteo aligned herself back with Jinny.
- Jinny left her housemates to be decimated by a UK debuting Jordynne Grace.
DOUG WILLIAMS v TRENT SEVEN
- Doug Williams got a HUGE ovation for his entrance.
- And LOADS of streamers! Well done Brit Wres!
- Trent did the rigor mortis spot.
- Trent kicked out of TWO Chaos Theory's, and I bought both
- Trent missed the high cross body again, obvs.
- Trent HIT the high cross body and won - retiring Doug.
- Genuinely lovely moment as Wembley applauded the now retired Williams.
- The locker room came out on stage to show their respects and I definitely didn't shed a tear.
JIMMY HAVOC v PAUL ROBINSON
- Started with the brilliant video package preview on the big screen.
- Paul Robinson comes out flipping people off in the crowd. Love that.
- Jimmy Havoc comes out painted head to hip in white paint and white jeans, carrying an axe.
- This match was gross.
- Lightubes are not for landing on.
- Paul Robinson's back looked disgusting after using it to smash three lighttubes into Jimmy Havoc.
- They ballsed up the curb stomp finish, just like they did in chapter 21. Continuity!
- I respect these guys so much for going through this sort of match.
- I was really invested.
- I was really grossed out.
- Havoc wins.
- Robbo barely able to walk and covered in SO MUCH BLOOD, still manages to flip the crowd off as they are respectfully applauding his performance. Hero.
INTERMISSION
Went for a piss with Mike as some guy in the queue bragged to us about being from Kent and taking loads of cocaine. Cool mate.
Stood in the concourse discussing how vile/brilliant the Havoc v Robbo match was with Mat and Hannah. Bumped into Daniel, who had to rush off. Figured a shot game for the Thunderbastard with Dom. Four teams each, winner avoids the shots (gin and whiskey).
THUNDERBASTARD
- Bandido and Flamita are amazing.
- This whole match was a riot.
- I lost with two teams still spare, so did the shots mid-match.
- Aussie Open are new champs!
- We got told to sit down, cos we got excited. We did immediately, cos DBAD.
- Thunderbastard matches are the best.
PETE DUNNE v ILJA DRAGUNOV
- I don't remember a lot about this match.
- Dragunov lost, which seems a missed opportunity to me.
- Dom booed Ilja a lot, as promised.
- Need to watch this one back. So much for 'remembering this forever'. Stupid shot round.
MARK ANDREWS v EDDIE DENNIS
- I AM THE TABLE. Those bad boys weren't for breaking, were they?
- I loved this match.
- Dennis putting Andrews through the tables from the top of a ladder was possibly spot of the night.
- Dennis winning is the right call.
- He's going to lord this over us all now isn't he? It's going to be great.
TYLER BATE v WALTER
- WALTER came out to his theme played live by violinists. SICK.
- This was my MOTN.
- Apparently it went 30 mins? Absolutely flew by!
- Tyler Bate is a big, strong boi.
- Thanks PROGRESS what a show.
- I remember grabbing Jake and shouting in his ear a lot. Sorry mate.
FOOD
Me and Dom got hungry bellies and drunkenly chatted real life and wrestling whilst eating our chips and chicken and telling eachother how brilliant we think the other is. It was glorious. Dom went home, because he actually has a job.
AFTER PARTY
So my map was sending me around in circles and I kept ending back at Wembley Arena, which was a poor start. It meant I bumped into Daniel again though! Eventually a lovely woman helped me out and pointed me in the direction of a massive hill that apparently had a pub on top.
I arrived at the pub, greeted by Helena, who let me in despite being out of breath, having chicken fingers and already quite drunk. I spot James and Mike who look absolutely hammered singing a wrestling theme, so I immediately join them in doing the same.
The party is full of exuberant wrestling nerds, PROGRESS owners, wrestlers, referees and trainees and was a whole host of fun. Wrestle Crate did a pass the parcel which hilariously was won by James Drake. BOOOOO.
James kayfabe started on TK Cooper, I told Spike Trivet he was my Freedom's Road MVP and Chuck Mambo was dancing on the tables. Outside, I spilt a whole beer on Mike as he realised he was missing Idles being sung at the top of everyone's lungs inside and then he went home. Right call, probably.
Me and James stay until close singing, dancing, chatting to Chris Roberts about cheeseboards, Wales and a lack of a WWE contract, with the night finishing on TK Cooper almost dropping a girl on her head doing the Dirty Dancing lift. And the IWC think Brie Bella is wreckless!
JAMES' HOUSE
It's decided that 12 hours of wrestling simply isn't enough for me and James, who head back to his to watch the NJPW show, which was on live at the time.
We order McDonalds and watch Marty Scurll v Will Ospreay before James falls asleep again in his big comfy chair and I finish the show on my own. It's really very good, by the way. I let James know I'm leaving and walk down the stairs missing the last step and jar my knee. 30 seconds later I realise I have left my keys at his but can't remember what number his house is.
I decide to just leave them and get the bus home. The only one running ends at Trafalgar Square, so I get my tourist shot on the steps by myself at five in the morning. I then walk to my Kings Cross home for almost half an hour before waking up my fiancee with the buzzer, because I had no keys.
This. Is. PROGRESS... In a way.
Thanks to all the guys and girls I shared the big show with! You're all very nice people. Even you, Mike.
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