I asked James and Dom to fill in for me yesterday as I was at a wedding, missing the show at the Camden Ballroom. They share their experience at PROGRESS for you all here...
James is in Bold
Dom is in Italics
I turned up to a small crowded table of Dom, Pete, Mike, Mat, Hannah and the PROGRESS debutants Amy and Lucy. With it being a Wetherspoons and me being prepared, I ordered 3 pints for me, Pete and the soon to be arriving Alex on the app before I got there. Then Hannah found us a bigger table so I had to sit away from the group and wait for the beers. Dom and Pete kindly waited with me.
My plans to line my stomach for the afternoon with my homemade sandwich were once again foiled by my fear of being yelled at for eating outside food. So once again I was steaming by the time I left The Spoons.
And that's only half the story of the Wetherspoons food debacle as Hannah had an absolute mission trying to get the right meal. Despite being first to order, I think she was last to eat. Looking back on the state I ended up in, I am thinking the high percentage IPAs as a warm up were a mistake.
The traditional Drake flourish was omitted from the beginning of the show which was a shame for me and an absolute blessing for probably everyone else in our vicinity; particularly Mike.
Me and Mike left the pub early to catch the pre show in case O.J.M.O was on it. He wasn't. Ashmore vs JJ Lynch was decent though and crowd were into it. Jim tells us Chris Roberts has resigned from PROGRESS. We boo. He asks us to show our appreciation for Chris and the majority cheer. Me and Mike boo - in our minds that's how Chris would have liked to go out.
Yeah, that was absolute savagery from Mike and James booing Roberts. I cheered. But I'm a bit of a sheep.
It was a respectful boo
A much nicer reception for Jim’s pre-show Leicester City tribute than the lukewarm one given to Pastor William Eaver’s new Brother Love preacher style gimmick in the opener. I’m sure it’ll get there eventually but my immediate feeling is Jesus could turn water into wine much quicker if he simply turned heel. Surely it’s where the gimmick is going.
I thought he's now Present William Eavor. Living for the moment no longer in the PASTor? Is there a Future William Eavor in the.....future.... Me and Mike had seen him half an hour earlier walking down Camden High St in that purple suit and thought he had just been shopping in Knightsbridge with his significant other...
Speaking of significant others. It was nice of James to remind me who Isla Dawn is dating and how badly he would beat me if he ever heard me say I fancied her. Which brought us to match two.
I feel we got a bit of momentum behind our Millie McKenzie chant this week. Group in our area seemed to like it. Still more people just going 'oh Millie McKenzie' tho. Which is fine if there's not a viable alternative.
The finish saw Jinny and Laura Di Matteo run in and then a second run in by Nina Samuels and the other Millie. I assume we will have the mother of all women’s shot rounds with a triangle tag next month. #factionwarfare
The other Millie? Charlie Morgan? I'm excited by babyface Charlie Morgan. She's been great in that role in Eve.
That’s the only Charlie Morgan. Mike called everyone “snowflakes” when the C word chant started at Jinny.
Haha. Classic Mike. 3rd match was Trent Seven's open challenge which saw Mr Juicy come out. This is where I made use of my notebook and wrote down a quote from Dom 'I'm no longer the fattest Australian in the room'
It made me feel like I could still be a wrestler. Also this reminds me James left his handy dandy notebook in the pub. I can’t really talk about losing stuff though...
Good point. I'd predicted I'd lose my highlighter by match 3. I didn't even remember to take it out of the pub. Just got mocked for having it.
He was taking his new promotion to Ross very seriously!
I think it was Ross' administrative assistant. Alex also took on one of Ross' roles as he was very excited to organise the shot round. Pete who had been sitting with his mate Tom and actually using his chair for once came to join us for the shot round. Where I was ecstatic to get Mark Davis.
I lost. Cheers Flash. £39 pound round in The Mixer but I was too pissed to care by then.
That's probably where the £40 you lost went?!
In other news the tag match was bloody sick Davis enjoyed my “best thing to come out of Beenleigh” line.
I bloody love Close Your Eyes and Count to Fuck.
The third debutant Barrell started to enjoy himself by this stage I think. It was pretty great about 5 minutes in to the first match. “So how do you win?” “Who’s top of the league?”
That was a great start. Half time and we know what that means!
I actually love walking to the mixer. It’s like a pilgrimage for the ghosts of alcoholics past.
The Mixer is great. I'm not sure it's cheaper for buying the shot round though. Eddie Dennis was cutting a promo when we got back I think?
And it was an incredible promo. I think Eddie Dennis has the best story going in wrestling but obviously I’m biased because of my own profession. Additionally I’ve always got along well with Eddie Dennis in all my previous meetings with him. Until last night. At the end of the show when I was leaving for some reason I asked: “Do they actually still pay you for that tonight?” I’m not sure what I meant by my question but I know it definitely came out very wrong.
Haha. Brilliant. How did he react?
He said “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” So he pretty much treated me like a pupil.
Just what you deserved. Talking of treated like a pupil that's pretty much what happened in the next match as Paul Robinson took Mark Andrews to school. And Dom. 'You fucked up'
So dear readers. Your humble narrator has a few catch phrases he likes to say during PROGRESS shows. One of them is “you don’t suplex Andrews.” Yesterday Mike and James forced me to do a solo jager for missing my cue on the stundog millionaire. And thus a new tradition was born. SHOT BOIII!
Haha. 'Forced'? Anyone who has met Dom will know how hard it is to get him to have a drink... the shot rounds continued in the triple threat semi main.
All I know is that I lost. Hence going 0-2 in shot rounds yesterday. (0-3 if you count the Andrews debacle) Do you remember anything about the match James?
I remember the crowd being into it. Quite split. Vicky gave Mark the bat and Havoc the axe at one Point And told them to go at it and Drew Parker turned up and just beat the shit out of Havoc.
Oh yeah! Drew Parker. Awesome. I like him.
I remember the main event being awesome and spending half of it trying to talk Alex out of starting Anti-Labour chants at ZSJ.
I think somewhere around here was my favourite quote of the evening. I wrote it down in my phone and I’m going to copy it exactly as it’s written to show the mind frame we were in:
The moral of this allegory is Lesnar brats Gable in any athletic contest. James: “Unless I was booking it”
Gable could out-wrestle Lesnar. Stand by it. Especially if I was booking it. Angle beat Lesnar. I'd take Gable over Angle. Therefore Gable wins. He went to the Olympics.
Anyway the main event was off the charts. Go out of your way to watch it. And to make sure you get the full Dom Van Dam experience be sure to smack 10 pints and 3 jagers first.
Pete said it was “The best match he’s ever seen live.” He’s probably right but I have a shocking memory for stuff like that. I can quote you any episode of The Simpsons episode from seasons 3-9 but don’t ask me to remember wrestling matches I’ve seen after a few Britney Spears.
And Pete opened the day raving about Suzuki vs Ishii 2 from Global Wars. High praise indeed. Post match beers in the Black Heart were slightly shorter than usual I think as everyone was as you'd put it 'blind'.
I was a bit slow getting there cause I bought Jim Smallman’s book and hung around to get it signed. I love books about wrestling. And based on the first couple of chapters of this one it’s a cracker too. Thanks for being nice to me Jim. Even though I was absolutely out of my tree and you’re a straight edge recovering addict. I particularly apologise for saying “I wish you could have a beer with me.”
You were on fire with the talent last night! My night ended predictably. I went to the casino for some NFL then came home to watch Evolution and fell asleep after match one. Waking up on my chair at 4.30. And despite my notebook - I didn’t win the Pick'ems this month.
Thanks to both James and Dom for their hazy memories of Sunday's PROGRESS show. If like me you weren't able to make the show, get yourself an on demand subscription and watch it this coming weekend!
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